I love hiking more than anything else in the whole world. I just want to be one with nature. And then I want to come home to all of my modern amenities and never look at nature again.
Don’t Do it to Lose Weight.
When it comes to weight loss, physical activity is secondary to food intake. And not everything has to be about weight loss. Sometimes it’s just about hugging a tree.
But, seriously. Do it to lose weight.
But realistically speaking – who cares about nature? I, for one, haven’t stopped celebrating global warming since the moment Al Gore invented the internet.
Hiking and the Deep Burn.
Hiking is fantastic because…
1. God gave you muscles. God gave you a variety of muscles. He wants you to roam this earth in sorrow and longing, constantly questioning his existence as well the purpose of your own. And he wants you to do this at various elevations.
Scrambling up and down hills engages a variety of muscle groups. This makes hiking a dynamic activity which brings you closer to God. Just ask a Rabbi and he will confirm that he has no idea what you’re talking about.
2. You can take pictures. Hiking is scenic. When hiking, take a picture and post it on social media. This will accomplish two things. First, it will let everyone else know how much better you are than them. And second, it will create a cherished memory of a time when you let everyone else know how much better you were than them.
3. It takes a while. When you hike, the time flies because you are among friends, invariably talking shit about all of your other friends. A weekly hike gives me the extended workout I need to allow me to eat as many french fries as I can find under my couch cushion.
4. It’s Conducive to Planning. At the gym, it’s easy to fall behind. One bad day at work, and suddenly you’re six tacos deep instead of six squats deep. Hiking, on the other hand, is conducive to planning.
Plan to hike EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY beginning on March 1. Compile a list of hikes, and actually schedule them out with friends. You will be accountable because these specific hikes are now in your calendar.
5. It gives you something to talk about with fit people. Fit people love expending energy in various extraneous ways. So if you want to talk to a fit person, try bringing up the hike you did last week. If the person is truly fit, then he or she was probably doing the very same hike as you, and at the same exact time. Now the fit person is more likely to have sex with you.
6. It’s good for your physical and mental health. With the exception of that scary thing from The Little Shop of Horrors, being around plants is good for your mental and physical health.
And since most of the plants on earth will be dead soon, you should take in as much nature as you can, while you still can.
7. Trail Mix.
Hiking is the only time when you are allowed to feel good about eating M&M’s. Don’t let this moment pass you by.
Downsides of Hiking
If you go hiking, you will probably get lost or worse – eaten by a bear. In either event, it won’t be a particularly pleasant way to go.
But in case you’re still interested, I find many of my hikes here. You can also check out Meetup.com for hiking groups near you.
Happy Hiking 😀
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