Getting Back on the Horse

Well, well, well. I may have fallen off the horse a little bit with my writing, but I am back again with a vengeance and an appropriate theme for the occasion!

As the famous saying goes: “Let he who has not fallen off the horse cast the first stone.” SOMETIMES, we all fall off the horse. I feel off pretty hard.

Let’s start at the very beginning, shall we?

In elementary, I was the chubby girl. I have plenty of hilarious anecdotes I can share with you on what it was like being the fat kid at day camp or what it’s like going through those awkward puberty years as a girl who knew what chub rub was before she was in her first training bra. But, for another time…

High school hit and I worked my butt off. You know, you start liking guys and then there goes every sensible thought in your head. My friends and I would have sleepovers where we would do laps in the pool or hold each other’s feet while we did crunches rather than pigging out and binge watching horror movies like normal teens did. Then, of course, we all know how college goes, but all keggers considered, I stayed pretty thin.

It was when “real life” started that everything fell apart. You know, the time when you’re supposed to be self reliant and paying taxes and doing other adult things? Yeah, it was right about then that no more shits were given. I was living in NYC and poor. I ate dollar slice and other cheap meals. I got beer and shot specials at the bar because it was way more cost effective than slowly sipping away at a $12 cabernet. Basically, I embraced the “fuck it” school of thought. Unfortunately, when you start treating your body like crap, you start feeling like crap. Then your life becomes like those things people have on their desks where the bead on one end hits all the others and makes the bead on the other end swing and hit them again and repeat.

You know….

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Those things!

Anyway, then you are gaining weight, getting depressed, feeling unmotivated and it seems to happen overnight because you are unraveling so slowly that you don’t notice it.

I wasn’t even falling off the horse, I was subconsciously dismounting in slow motion and before I knew it the horse was running off without me. Into the sunset…

I was always the adventuring type: always looking for something to do, people to meet, new things to see and experience. I had energy, I was eager: if I could, I would be 100 places at any given time to make sure I didn’t miss out on anything! But, that wasn’t me anymore. I was embarrassed of my body so I didn’t like to go out. Because I never went out, I felt like I didn’t have anything of value to add to conversations anymore, no new stories of interesting places I’d been or amazing people I’d met. Boooooring! 

It took the humbling experience of moving back in with my mom for personal reasons to set me straight. I’m not sure why, because until that moment, I thought I was too far gone to ever be able to repair all the damage done. Somehow, instead of allowing myself to feel like a loser for taking a step backwards in my life, I saw it as a new beginning!

Here is where I came up with a motto I’m determined to stick with: “If things suck, fix them.”

I started walking. And walking. And walking. Then I walked some more. I started walking because I still wasn’t totally comfortable in a gym. Everyone walks, but it was hard for me to be the bigger girl in a fitness class. Here is where I am going to throw in that cliche: “If I can do it, anyone can!” I was SO out of shape. Like, seriously, so very supremely, disturbingly out of shape. 

After I walked a bunch, I did some kickboxing. After that, I tried running. After that, I did yoga and went hiking. I used to get winded climbing the subway stairs and now here I am, hiking up mountains! I’ve tried aerial yoga, trampoline aerobics, hip hop dancing, plilates, rowing and spin. I used to never want to leave the apartment, since I’ve been to a ton of new places like Barcelona, London, Panama, Mexico, California and road trips to awesome cities all over the country.

There is still so much else I want to try and so many new things I want to experience. I’m back to my old self!

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Left: March 2014 (220 lbs). Right: September 2015 (125 lbs).

The cause and effect of taking care of yourself is huge, and isn’t just limited to how you look – it impacts how you feel which impacts everything else in your life: your relationships, your performance at work, your confidence and your motivation. But you knew all of that!

While I hope I never fall off the horse quite as hard again, I am sure life will have its setbacks occasionally. I’ll stop writing for a few months, maybe I’ll slow down on exercise at some point, maybe this holiday season I’ll eat the entire fruitcake. Falling off is ok, but it’s always so important to get back on, don’t ever feel like you’ve fallen off so hard that you can’t catch back up. You always can and you always should! Make yourself a priority because you are SO worth it!

Happy to be back!

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Been A While

Wow! It’s been some time. Since I last posted, my husband and I participated in a 5k mud run, visited Japan and relaxed on the beach in St.Lucia.

We’ve been non stop – on-the-run and I am trying to understand how to balance me time, free time, work, and relaxation. Isn’t adulting so hard? Sometimes I want to be a kid and have nap time. Why don’t grown ups get nap time?

Anyway, let’s discuss vacations and food. Worry and panic over food and weight gain is an understatement. It consumes me…all day, every day and these vacations were no exception…oh, my poor husband. Bless his beautiful, sweet, loving, patient soul. He listens to me talk about food all the time. Unfortunately its my reality. It’s my life and my struggle.

Japan was our first vacation since I’ve lost 100 + pounds. Can I tell you how good it felt to sit on the plane?! There was so much seat belt left, so much butt room and leg room. I felt like I was in my own personal first class seat.

Food that I packed:

I packed the food in a small lunch bag that can stay cool up to 10 hours. It worked perfectly and did not take up much space.

Japan was great in the sense that we walked 8-10 miles a day… so I never had any guilt about not going to the gym. Vacation breakfast is always the best meal of the day (IMO) because there is always eggs and bacon/sausage, fruit, and oatmeal. Lunch and dinner were the hardest- 1. Main ingredient in most dishes was fish (I don’t eat fish) 2. I am very picky with meat and most of the meat was either doused in sauces/gravies or fried…It was good because my food choices were limited but bad because I was tempted to eat udon noodles. But I prevailed. No noodles for me. I just limited my portions of fried/saucy meat and loaded up on veggies. The strangest thing in all of this is, I gained 6 pounds but lost it within 2 days of returning. Maybe it was the long travel, time difference, etc… It all went back to normal right away.

St.Lucia was another beast to tackle. This was my first island trip… first bathing suit trip…We did not exercise as much as I had wanted but come on… I need some R&R! I approached this trip the same way but made sure not to snack at all since there was very little working out. I did not gain one pound. NOT ONE PEOPLE!

Aside from the food battles, both trips were amazing. Japan was incredible and life changing and so beautiful. We will definitely visit again.

This was our second trip to St.Lucia and just as beautiful and romantic as the first time. We climbed one of the Pitons which was crazy. Rock climbing is definitely not my thing but the view was worth it.

 

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My Husband petting an Owl at an Owl Cafe in Japan
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Universal Studios in Japan!

 

 

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We climbed the longest staircase to get to this shrine. Felt like we were on top of the world!
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We climbed that! Pitons in St.Lucia
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And finally, a sunset Kiss

xoxo,

Rachel

Walking in Beautiful Places

I don’t know what goes on in your head, I can only (attempt to) tell you what goes on in mine.

I enjoy everything, and I feel happy. I love being young, and my entire existence feels light and silly. In the same moment, I feel profoundly isolated. I disappoint myself, and I’m disappointed by others. I ruminate and dwell on things that I could probably change but don’t. I feel uncalm, yet strangely unfazed. I’m just watching IT happen, and IT is (for the most part) awesome.

Night time shore walks bring me stillness, especially in the colder months. Usually, I’m  there alone – little Dorit versus the entire ocean and world. I’m tormented by the most intense loneliness and sadness. I’m humbled and silent and reminded of my insignificance.

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Yes, I got soaked. 

Then, suddenly, it all feels like the greatest gift. I have to let it wash over me or I’ll burst. I feel almost unbearably grateful to be living the best possible life at the best possible time. The world is great, and its begging me to make it even better. I can’t be stopped (possibly because I’m having a manic episode?). It’s beautiful and special to feel all of these feelings.

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Night time skyline walks can have a similar effect. 

Then I start to feel that I’m crazy. Then I start to feel that I’m sane. Too sane. Maybe the last sane person walking on earth.

My regular walk takes about three to four hours, during which time the ocean regularly lights a fire under my ass. I write short stories in my head (usually about murder) and I think about how the world will end. I’m never very interested in the plot. I like to play with the sentences and scenes, and I text myself the favorites. Later, I’ll adapt them to whatever context.

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Isn’t this shit special?

When I walk all alone late at night, I feel unpleasant things.

I’d love a friend to talk to, but if one came along, I have a feeling I might lie and say I have plans. I need to leave the world regularly, and go to a beautiful place and just walk. Then when I come back, I can function (most of the time). The world is filled with incredible landscapes to walk through and appreciate.  It’s the greatest gift.

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Dress Appropriately

A lot of salad dressings are terrible for you. They are made of processed horribleness that totally kill your whole “I’m healthy because I’m eating a salad” vibe. Dressings, particularly the ones that claim to be “fat free” or “sugar free,” are diet dream crushers, dressed from head to toe in a web of lies.

Like most things, if you can’t explain where it came from or how it was made, then you should probably avoid it. Modified ingredients that cause certain food items such as dressing to be “low fat” “low carb” or “no sugar added” make up for these losses with other items, not natural to your body. Your body reacts to these foreign ingredients in a number of ways, typically with effects the opposite of weight loss. When your body is distressed or confused, it typically likes to play it safe, and hoards sugars and fats, which are useful for survival. But when we are trying to lose weight, we want our bodies to be preppin’ for thriving, not surviving.

I get it though: plain salad can be kind of lame. But its easy to make a basic dressing and get creative with other flavors without having to worry about ingesting the scum of the universe atop your mixed greens.

Make your own dressing!

Mix:
1/4 C Olive Oil
1/4 C Agave
Juice of 1 lemon or lime
Mix with any dried spices (+salt and pepper) or add avocado, juice from berries, etc. to mix it up! You can also look into some Greek yogurt based dressings! Also delicious and with great health benefits!

So easy! Oh yeah!

Let me know what healthy dressing recipes you come up with to stay away from bottled dressings!

Later,

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The Great American Cobbler

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One of the greatest things about being an American is freedom.  Freedom of speech. Freedom of religion. The freedom to make a delicious berry cobbler using only my roommate’s ingredients.

Great American Cobbler facts:

  • Tastes healthier than most (although I’m not sure if that’s a good thing).
  • Very simple to make. #basic
  • Yummy for breakfast.
  • Relatively inexpensive, provided that you use only your roommate’s ingredients.

Warning: I don’t generally recommend cobbler of any kind if you are trying to lose weight.  But if you’re looking for a decent dessert choice, this one is OK.  You can vastly increase the fruit to cobbler ratio for an even better choice.

Ingredients:

  • Whole Wheat Flour;  3/4 cup
  • Milk; 1/2 cup
  • White or Brown Sugar; 1/4 cup
  • Baking Powder; 1 teaspoon
  • Salt; 1/4 teaspoon
  • Honey; amount uncertain
  • Vanilla extract; just a drop
  • Frozen or Fresh berries; 2 cups or more
  • Non-stick Spray
  •  Optional: Stevia; to taste
  • Optional: 1 tsp butter (to coat pan)

Steps:

  • Pre-heat oven to 350
  • Mix the following in a bowl
    • Whole Wheat Flour;  3/4 cup
    • Milk; 1/2 cup
    • White or Brown Sugar; 1/4 cup
    • Baking Powder; 1 teaspoon
    • Salt; 1/4 teaspoon
    • Honey; amount uncertain
    • Vanilla extract; just a drop
    • Optional: Stevia, to taste
  • Coat 9 inch pan
    • I use nonstick coconut oil spray. You can also melt 1 tsp butter in the pan, this improves the taste.
  • Pour batter into pan
  • Sprinkle frozen or fresh berries on top, don’t mix in
  • Sprinkle just a touch of sugar on top of berries
  • Bake 50 min – 1 hour.
  • Eat the fucking cobbler.

FAQ’s

  • Q: What if I don’t have a roommate?
    • A: Unfortunately, you may need to purchase your own ingredients.
  • Q: How much honey should I use?
    • A: I’m not sure. I just squeeze a bunch in.

Happy nomming!

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On the Human Condition and Mountain Goats

You have more in common with a mountain goat than you may think.

Aside from your extremely hairy body and hooves, you also have a great ability to climb things. The invention of the elevator, escalator and that moving floor thats always in airports and Jamiroquiai music videos has left us weakened and afraid of anything that has the power to take us up and down things, yet remains stationary – and that is quite unfortunate!

Benefits of taking the stairs:

  • People are less likely to think that you are an asshole when you take the elevator to the 2nd or 3rd floor.
  • Burns the same amount of calories as doing moderate exercise.
  • Waiting for the elevator can take a long time, if you took the stairs, you might get to your destination sooner.
  • Good practice for the end of days or a power outage.
  • Endorphins are released, which makes you happy!
  • You’re less likely to touch the disgusting escalator handrail if you take the stairs.
  • Your legs will look fly as hell.
  • Improved lung and heart strength.

Basically, just take the damn stairs!

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Decisions, decisions…

Once you opt for the stairs a few times, you’ll start to feel like you are part of a secret club, you’ll nod to your fellow stair user: you’ve separated yourself from “the masses.” 

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WOW! Amazing views!

Before you know it, taking the stairs will come so naturally to you, you’ll wonder why you turned them down so many times before. Don’t worry, every stair I know has always been eternally forgiving, and your heart and the people who work in your building will thank you!

Climb onward,

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Ice Cream Treat!

We’ve all been guilty of it at some point: we creep on some celebrity’s daily diet — Googling to see just what the Jennifer Anistons and Beyonces of the world are eating every day to keep their body fat percentage so ridiculously low, trying desperately to understand how they remain sane enough to maintain success in their careers despite such limited diets, yet never get fat.

 

Enter: Ice Cream Treat!

 

(Disclaimer: I’m putting this out there right away: I am a HUGE proponent of eating foods that are as close to natural as possible and do believe refined sugars are the devil. With that in mind, eat my beloved Ice Cream Treat knowing that this still counts as a “cheat food”.)
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This complex blend of high-quality locally sourced ingredients may seem intimidating, but I assure you, anyone can master this recipe with a little dedication.

 

Ingredient 1: Reddi Whip
Ingredient 2: Mini Ice Cream Cone

 

Directions: Squeeze Reddi Whip into mini ice cream cone so it takes on an ice cream-like appearance. This could potentially fool you into thinking you are having a luscious cone of ice cream rather than my pathetic creation that sounds more like what a desperate, broke and stoned college kid would come up with.

 

There are alternatives to Ice Cream Treat that are slightly more organic and nutritionally beneficial: you can replace the Reddi Whip with Greek yogurt and add some honey or fruit to add a pinch of sweetness. You can also make your own coconut whipped cream (higher in calories but all natural).

 

As long as you don’t go full-on animal with this, Ice Cream Treat is a great low carb and low calorie way to give into your sweet tooth without feeling full of sorrow and regret for the rest of the week. Your body will thank you and, while your friends might call you a pathetic loser to your face for eating such a tragic item, secretly, they’ll be enjoying it themselves!

 

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Famed Roommate and Fat Girls Fitness blogger, Dori, getting down with the sweetness…

 

I really hope this helps strengthen your relationship with your sweet tooth because it’s been asking me a lot lately why you never return it’s calls!

 

Later,
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