Enough about love. Let’s talk about hate.
The People You Love are Killing You
Some people are fortunate enough to be surrounded by people with healthy habits. Most of us fall into a different category.
Being fit takes work. And if the people in your life support your efforts, then that is a beautiful thing. If not, it might be time to make some very difficult changes.
Failure to Respect Boundaries
Some people will never respect your boundaries.
Maybe it’s your friends who tell you to “live a little” while pushing a plate of nachos in your face. It could be your colleagues who tell you, unprompted, that they’d rather be “fat and happy” than deprive themselves. Perhaps you have an Italian grandmother, who despite your morbid obesity, insists that you’ll starve to death if you don’t have another meatball. And also, don’t forget your coat.
Losing weight is so hard. Your body is fighting you, your friends are fighting you, and maybe even nana is fighting you.
For me, I couldn’t do it without enforcing my boundaries. These people must be classified as “Haters” and removed from your life, temporarily, while you establish good habits.
Don’t Shun Nana
Ok, when it comes to nana – don’t shun her.
Just put on your mental blinders. When she offers you a meatball, don’t fight. Just change the subject. Then do it again next time, and again next time. Nana is probably so old she won’t even remember.
And Nana is your grandma. She’s not god. She can’t make you eat the meatball. She can barely even lift a newspaper. Deep down, you want that fucking meatball. So don’t blame nana, who can barely even see without her bifocals.
Your Family is Nana
Nana is a metaphor. I’m not even Italian.
Nana represents all the people who think you’re beautiful just the way you are, and who want to stuff the shit out of you because they lived through the great depression.
Nanas of the world are old as hell, and they’re stubborn. You can’t change them. But you can’t let them change you.
Don’t shun your nanas. Just ignore their efforts. They brought you into this world, but that doesn’t mean you have to eat what they offer. Go ahead and break their hearts. We all have nanas. Your nana will be offended, but she won’t be uniquely offended. Disappointing grandma is just an unavoidable fact of life.
And Then There are The Others
If a person is not a nana in your life, and yet they are negatively impacting your weight loss efforts, just do this: drop them!
Temporarily, maybe. Permanently, maybe. Who cares? Once you’re hot, everyone will want to be your friend.
Why so harsh? Because people in your own age group should have the mental flexibility to respect your goals and boundaries. If they don’t, they are losers – or worse yet, jealous haters.
People who love you want you to be happy. When they see you struggling, they want to help you. All the others are just bags of douche.
And Then There Are Your children and Spouse
I love when people who are overweight say they MUST keep crap in the house because the kids like it. Or their husband likes it.
Fit people don’t feed poison to the people they love and care about. Just because your kids and husband are skinny now, doesn’t mean they’ll always be. And it doesn’t mean that unhealthy foods aren’t affecting them negatively.
This is YOUR life, and those are YOUR children and YOUR spouse. Set some parameters, and stop using them as an excuse. I can’t even imagine feeding unhealthy food to my dog, let alone my human family.
This doesn’t mean be a dictator. But it does mean TRY your best. And ACTUALLY try.
Your husband is entitled to make his own choices. And your kids, depending on their ages, are also entitled to do the same. But young kids won’t starve to death if you don’t feed them garbage. And older kids can buy junk food with their own money if that’s what they want. Set a good example by living it. And don’t be a nana to a younger generation.
On Stupid Lies
People who love you (and people who hate you) will fill your head with stupid “facts”. Facts about life, about diets, even facts about you.
1. Oh, our family just has slow metabolisms
2. Oh, you’re naturally big. Not like your sister – she’s slim
3. Oh, you shouldn’t eat avocados, they’re fattening. Here, have some cake.
4. Everyone who loses weight will just gain it back, plus more.
These aren’t really facts. They are silly opinions that have been filtered through these people’s various biases. All they amount to is a giant pile of BS.
You don’t have a slow metabolism. Have you ever noticed that people with slow metabolisms are usually the same people who eat crap all day and night?
And no, you’re not “naturally big.” YES you probably should eat avocados. And no, you’re not destined to gain back everything you lose.
The people you love AFFECT you. The people who surround you AFFECT you. Both with their actions, and with their words. But they don’t own you.
So this Valentine’s Day – be careful of the people you love the most. You might be using them as an excuse, or they might just be killing you.
Now a question
How do YOU deal with difficult family and friends?
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