This is my puppy Herman Cainine.
Herman is a Shih Tzu mix, which means he’s kind of an asshole. He is the cutest and fuzziest dictator you ever will see. He also votes Republican as a rule.
Herman keeps me fit in countless ways:
1. He loves the park
Well actually he hates it. But he does enjoy walking there and then immediately throwing a tantrum until we leave.
I don’t get it, but I don’t question his highness. Or the exercise it brings.
2. He sleeps on my laptop bag
Want to spend some time on the computer?
No such luck. Herman is sleeping on it. If you approach him, he will unleash all of his puppy anger. I suppose I’ll just lift some weights while I wait…
3. He eats all of my food, but never shares his.
4. He only weighs 12 pounds.
Although I understand that target weights vary by species, I am inspired by Herman’s weight of only 12 pounds. #fitspo
5. He Urinates.
Herman is fully housebroken. But if he feels I’m taking too long to put on my coat or fumble for my keys, he will look me dead in the eye as he pees all over the kitchen floor.
Rushing to get Herman out the door, while stressing about the possibility of urine gets my heart rate up. And once urine happens, cleaning it also burns calories. Cardio, my friends.
6. He loves to play.
Once he’s done eating all of my food and peeing on my floor, Herman barks at me until I chase him around the apartment in circles. I am confident that my downstairs neighbors enjoy this just as much as I do.
Incidentally, Herman is betting on Trump as our future president, but really he would have preferred Rand Paul. Herman recently devoured the “Art of the Deal,” but found it a bit difficult to digest.
Even though he spat most of it out, he continues to knock my books off the shelf, and chew on them until we play chase. The exercise won’t end, even if I want it to.
Even though he’s a Trump supporter, I love my Herman.
Luckily, I still have a bit more time to see if I can influence his vote. Lest ye forget Herman, who controls the treats in this home..
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