Women are the Superior Sex

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Earlier today, I posted about Amelia Earhart.  But on International Women’s Day, one post is never enough.

Because in honor of this special day, I need to come clean: 
I am 100% convinced that Women are the superior sex.

Not equal, but better. And measurably so. Now before you call me a feminist bitch, two points:

  1. It’s not particularly important to me to be a member of the superior sex. I have no dog in this fight. But facts are facts. We’re a little bit better, on average, than dudes.  Dudes, on the other hand, are the absolute worst.
  2. I am not a feminist. REPEAT: I am not a feminist. I just happen to think women are better than men in most ways.

Reasoning:

  1. I hate every man on public transportation.

If you are an XY, and you’re on public transportation, then you probably fall into one of the following categories (and most likely more than one):

  • You smell;
  • You take up too much space;
  • you rap at me; OR
  • you ogle.

On the Problem of Man Spreading

What the fucking fuck? Man spreading has gotten so bad on the NY subway system, that the MTA has spent the past two years campaigning to discourage it.

Let me put it this way. MTA could be spending those funds on oh umm…..AIR CONDITIONING in those sweltering Summer months? Or how about cleaning up urine? (Which come to think of it, is also the fault of men.)

But NO. The MTA can’t waste a single penny solving actual problems. And that’s because men take up such an extraordinary amount of space with their stupid hairy legs that every last penny must be spent just trying to cope with this oddly specific problem.

I will never believe that your most treasured appendage is so overwhelmingly large that you just HAVE to take up three seats. Just close your legs, and assert your dominance elsewhere.

If I were King, all of the subway systems could afford air conditioning because man spreading would be a capital offense.  Chocolate would also be free for everyone.

On rap

I thoroughly enjoy rap music. But I don’t enjoy being rapped at.

…Well actually I kind of do. But in any event, it’s impolite.

I have NEVER been rapped at by a woman. Women don’t rap AT people, they rap WITH people. Because women are not monsters. And men are the devil.

2. Women have better social intelligence.

Which isn’t hard. Because most men have a whopping zero percent.

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Oprah knows.

3. Women see gray areas.

I’ve always suspected that women are better at detecting nuance than men. Men have no idea about this. Probably because they are so incredibly shitty at detecting nuance.

But I’m not the only one who feels this way. Here is a scientific source.

meme
men understand nothing.

4. Women have all the uteri.

That’s right, fools. All of them.

We can freeze dry your sperm, but just TRY to freeze dry my uterus. It won’t work. And I will send you straight to jail if you even think about it.

5. Men Lose Weight Faster

Admittedly, this one doesn’t make women superior. I’m just including it because it makes me that fucking mad.

Like goddammit guys, the irony of this.  No one even cares if you’re skinny. We mostly just care about how much money you make.

You dudes, on the other hand, care so much. In fact when it comes to attractiveness, you prioritize thinness over any other feature. And it’s not even your fault. You were just born this way. As total baby douchebags.

Zen Moments

Phew. I’m sorry boys. That little rant felt so good.

I guess International Women’s Day doesn’t require man bashing, but hey sometimes these things happen.

And I guess it’s not necessary for one sex to be superior to the other.

…But it just so happens that mine is. #girlpower

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12 thoughts on “Women are the Superior Sex”

  1. You are hilarious! 😄
    I actually laugh out loud at my phone when I read your writing. ::hashtag SassMaster:: This post and the one about Val got me. 😁 I’m glad you’re a woman, for no particular reason. ☺

    Like

  2. I may have been born a baby douche, but I was lucky enough to spend my first 5 years of life with my mother alone. Much doucheness got washed away while I marinated in emotional intelligence and sensitivity. Now, I get weepy at certain songs or even talking about Bing Bong from Inside Out.

    Brett – reformed male douche

    Liked by 1 person

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