Tag: nutrition

Willpower versus Motivation

People blame their shortcomings on a lack of willpower. But do you treat willpower as if it’s a static personality trait?

..Because it’s not. Willpower is simply a measure of two things:
1. your level of motivation for a particular outcome; and
2. your willingness and ability to take a concrete action in furtherance of that outcome

When you see a cheeseburger, you easily conjure the will to eat it. That’s because it’s salient. It makes your brain cells dance, and you suddenly experience a high level of motivation to just stuff it into your mouth.

When you are highly motivated to do things, suddenly it becomes difficult to NOT do them. So really – your willpower problem can actually be seen as a problem of motivation.

And if you know yourself, and you know the things that really interest you – you can increase your willpower by increasing your motivation. Over time, mundane acts (like exercising) will become a source of familiarity and joy as they become habits engrained in your mind.

Here are just a few ways you can increase your motivation, and thus, your willpower:

  1. Temptation Bundling. Research has shown that coupling highly enjoyable acts with less enjoyable acts can increase your motivation to participate in the less enjoyable acts. For more details, check out my post on temptation bundling. And while you’re at it, check out my Serial Challenge for Gym Haters.
  2. Make Exercising Social. Don’t focus on exercising so hard. Instead, focus on making exercise a fun and social event. Take a dance class with a friend or go for walks with coworkers. It’s not exercise, it’s just fun with friends. (But shhh…it’s also exercise.)
  3. Create Small Goals. Maybe you want to lose 50 pounds. Of course it’s doable. But 50 pounds is a lot of weight, and it’s a very demotivating thought when you’re just starting out. But what if you only wanted to lose 4 pounds? Losing 4 pounds is easy. And if you do it over and over again, you’ll eventually get to 50 before you know it. Set small goals to increase your motivation. It works!! See my post about setting small goals here.
  4. Buy one dress that doesn’t fit. When I first started my weight loss journey, I bought an adorable dress that was several sizes too small. I hung it up, and I promised myself that someday soon I would wear that dress. It was bright yellow, so I noticed it every time I opened my closet. When the dress finally fit, it was incredibly rewarding. Say YES to the dress!
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Summer 2015, the day the yellow dress fit! I’ve lost about another 20 since.

What are some ways you keep your motivation high?

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Your Friends and Family are Stupid

Romantic Love

Enough about love. Let’s talk about hate.

The People You Love are Killing You

Some people are fortunate enough to be surrounded by people with healthy habits. Most of us fall into a different category.

Being fit takes work. And if the people in your life support your efforts, then that is a beautiful thing. If not, it might be time to make some very difficult changes.

Failure to Respect Boundaries

Some people will  never respect your boundaries.

Maybe it’s your friends who tell you to “live a little” while pushing a plate of nachos in your face. It could be your colleagues who tell you, unprompted, that they’d rather be “fat and happy” than deprive themselves. Perhaps you have an Italian grandmother, who despite your morbid obesity, insists that you’ll starve to death if you don’t have another meatball.  And also, don’t forget your coat.

Losing weight is so hard. Your body is fighting you, your friends are fighting you, and maybe even nana is fighting you.

For me, I couldn’t do it without enforcing my boundaries. These people must be classified as “Haters” and removed from your life, temporarily, while you establish good habits.

Don’t Shun Nana

Ok, when it comes to nana – don’t shun her.

Just put on your mental blinders. When she offers you a meatball, don’t fight. Just change the subject. Then do it again next time, and again next time. Nana is probably so old she won’t even remember.

And Nana is your grandma. She’s not god. She can’t make you eat the meatball. She can barely even lift a newspaper. Deep down, you want that fucking meatball. So don’t blame nana, who can barely even see without her bifocals.

Your Family is Nana

Nana is a metaphor. I’m not even Italian.

Nana represents all the people who think you’re beautiful just the way you are, and who want to stuff the shit out of you because they lived through the great depression.

Nanas of the world are old as hell, and they’re stubborn. You can’t change them. But you can’t let them change you.

Don’t shun your nanas. Just ignore their efforts. They brought you into this world, but that doesn’t mean you have to eat what they offer. Go ahead and break their hearts. We all have nanas. Your nana will be offended, but she won’t be uniquely offended. Disappointing grandma is just an unavoidable fact of life.

And Then There are The Others

If a person is not a nana in your life, and yet they are negatively impacting your weight loss efforts, just do this: drop them!

Temporarily, maybe. Permanently, maybe. Who cares? Once you’re hot, everyone will want to be your friend.

Why so harsh? Because people in your own age group should have the mental flexibility to respect your goals and boundaries. If they don’t, they are losers – or worse yet, jealous haters.

People who love you want you to be happy. When they see you struggling, they want to help you. All the others are just bags of douche.

And Then There Are Your children and Spouse

I love when people who are overweight say they MUST keep crap in the house because the kids like it. Or their husband likes it.

Fit people don’t feed poison to the people they love and care about. Just because your kids and husband are skinny now, doesn’t mean they’ll always be. And it doesn’t mean that unhealthy foods aren’t affecting them negatively.

This is YOUR life, and those are YOUR children and YOUR spouse. Set some parameters, and stop using them as an excuse. I can’t even imagine feeding unhealthy food to my dog, let alone my human family.

This doesn’t mean be a dictator. But it does mean TRY your best. And ACTUALLY try.

Your husband  is entitled to make his own choices. And your kids, depending on their ages,  are also entitled to do the same. But young kids won’t starve to death if you don’t feed them garbage. And older kids can buy junk food with their own money if that’s what they want. Set a good example by living it. And don’t be a nana to a younger generation.

On Stupid Lies

People who love you (and people who hate you) will fill your head with stupid “facts”. Facts about life, about diets, even facts about you.

Examples:
1. Oh, our family just has slow metabolisms
2. Oh, you’re naturally big. Not like your sister – she’s slim
3. Oh, you shouldn’t eat avocados, they’re fattening. Here, have some cake.
4. Everyone who loses weight will just gain it back, plus more.

These aren’t really facts. They are silly opinions that have been filtered through these people’s various biases. All they amount to is a giant pile of BS.

You don’t have a slow metabolism. Have you ever noticed that people with slow metabolisms are usually the same people who eat crap all day and night?

And no, you’re not “naturally big.” YES you probably should eat avocados.  And no, you’re not destined to gain back everything you lose.

In Sum

The people you love AFFECT you. The people who surround you AFFECT you. Both with their actions, and with their words. But they don’t own you.

So this Valentine’s Day – be careful of the people you love the most. You might be using them as an excuse, or they might just be killing you.

Now a question

How do YOU deal with difficult family and friends?

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Valentine’s Day at White Castle

white-castle-is-testing-out-some-really-bizarre-combo-restaurants

File this under: fit girls shouldn’t do this.
And maybe also under: women with self-respect shouldn’t do this.

I’m going to White Castle on Valentine’s Day. If you aren’t already aware, White Castle on Valentine’s Day is kind of a thing. There are menus, waiters, decorations – even music.

I’ve been wanting to do this for at least five years. The only inconvenient fact that stood in my way was that my boyfriends were always normal people. And normal people tend to find the concept of taking their woman to the Castle on V-day a bit too trashy to bear.

But luckily, I now find myself single. Which means I get to have as many Crave Cases as it will take to muffle the sound of my tears.

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And believe me, there will be tears.

A Few Concerns 

  1. Meat? I don’t normally eat meat. So there is a decent chance that I’ll simply drop dead upon touching the rat-burger to my lips. On the other hand, can you really call White Castle “meat”? Maybe I’ll be OK after all.
  2. Calories. Fast food has calories. Scientists have shown that a  case of 30 burgers  can have up to thirty times more calories than just eating one single burger. God help me.
  3. Parental Concerns. When your 28 year old daughter is spending Valentine’s day crying and eating a literal suitcase filled with burgers, you have to start wondering what exactly went wrong. I really couldn’t tell you, Mom. I can only tell you that I’m gravely sorry.

And Now I Pose A Question

Do you watch your food intake on Valentine’s Day?
Are you strict at all? Slightly strict?
Do any of you sexy people just say “fuck it” and take the night off?

And while we’re on the subject, do any of you eat fast food occasionally?

TALK TO ME I’M SO LONELY!!

Much Love ❤
XOXO

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Three Pillars of Fitness: Part 1

This is part one of a four part blog post on my overarching theory of everything.

Here it goes!

There are three pillars of fitness. Each pillar is distinct, but they interact. A weakness in one can (and probably will) infect the others over time.

In this post, I will generally describe the three pillars approach. In the next three posts, I’ll go into each pillar separately.

The Three Pillars

The Psychological;
The Physical; and
The Habitual

  1. “The Psychological” refers to your existing mental framework with regards to food, movement, body image, and self-esteem in general. When you don’t identify as a member of a certain group (in this case, “fit people”), you are far less likely to take actions consistent with belonging to that group.
  2. “The Physical”  refers to forces that are generally either outside of your conscious control, or at the very least which exist at the periphery of your conscious control. These include “mechanical” or “chemical” forces that keep you heavy – anything from hormones, metabolic state, genetic predispositions, state of your microbiome, etc. For most people, physical barriers can be easily corrected. This will put you in optimal state to achieve a healthy weight.
  3. “The Habitual” refers to your automatic or “default” behaviors. This is the most important pillar of all, and also the toughest to fix. But have faith!! Science has given us proven methods to replace bad habits with more constructive behaviors. Even in the absence of willpower.

The Purpose of this Framework

There is no objective truth to this particular framework. Rather, the three pillar approach is meant as an aid – to help you identify specific problems, so that you can work specifically on those problems, rather than wasting your time on problems you don’t have.

Within each of the three pillars, you can look for research based methods to take the exact steps you need to address your particular issues.

This framework recognizes that there is NO one size fits all approach to maintaining a healthy weight. That’s because people’s pillars are not weak in the same places.

An Illustration

If you’re overweight – consider:
how did you become overweight in the first place?

  • Were you overweight as child? If so, you likely have barriers in all three pillars.
    • Psychological – It’s likely that your own mental representation of yourself does not include thinness. It just isn’t who you are. Because you don’t see yourself as a “fit person” your brain is making thousands of subconscious choices each day that are different than the choices that a person who sees themselves as fit would make.
    • Physical – You likely have physical dependencies on certain foods or feeding behaviors, which go above and beyond mere habits. These may be largely the result of metabolic syndrome, or the beginnings or it.
    • Habitual – Whatever habits that led you to become overweight at such a young age are deeply engrained. You haven’t successfully replaced your default behavior to more closely resemble that of a fit person.
  • Did you become overweight simply from bad habits? On the other hand – you might have acquired bad habits with age. In this case, you may STILL have problems in each pillar but those problems are different. Some examples include:
    • Psychological
      • Maybe your framework around food is perfectly healthy -you’ve just fallen on bad habits. In this case, addressing the habits will be sufficient to address your fitness problems. Or maybe those bad habits are beginning to affect your self-esteem. A third possibility is that you were never psychologically healthy to begin with, but only now are the results catching up with you.
      • In the second two cases, you need to deal with your mental framework in order to achieve lasting results.
    • Physical
      • Maybe you have physical dependencies on food, and maybe you don’t.
      • If you’ve been eating poorly, it’s likely that a host of changes in your body have occurred – to your hormones, in your blood, and to your gut flora. These physical changes may make it more difficult for your to lose weight.
    • Habitual
      • You could have fine psychological and physical health, and yet still become unfit over time. Poor habits tend to accumulate.
      • Luckily, this is an area rife with hacks and psychological tricks to improve your outcomes.

The Fix

Luckily, each of these pillars can be strengthened.

In terms of ease of change I’d rank them as follows (from easiest to toughest).
1.  Physical
2. Psychological
3. Habitual

You also DON’T need three PERFECT pillars to achieve results. You simply need to begin making improvements where they are most needed.  Where you make improvements will depend not only on the severity of the problem, but also on the importance of the pillar.

In terms of importance, I’d rank them as follows (from most important to least important).

  1. Habitual
  2. Physical
  3. Psychological

The cool thing is this. Just as problems in one pillar can begin to affect the integrity of the others, so can solutions for one pillar improve the health of the others.

In Part Two of this post I will discuss the Psychological Pillar, including concrete tactics you can use to create healthier mental associations with food and movement.

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Can a Manicure Help You Lose Weight?

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By nature, I am disgusting. I just need to internet to know.

Grooming, to me, is the ultimate Sisyphean struggle. In the instant one stray hair is removed, another 6 pop up. My latest pedicure was consistently three months ago.

Grey hair? I call them my “wisdom strands.”
Werewolf legs? Just part of my “January Coat” (a term coined, btw, by the same Laura who brought us the Pretty Purple Smoothie ala Laura).

Whatever. I’m gross.  Because entropy always wins

But here is what I find.

When I take more pride in grooming habits unrelated to weight loss, I also tend to eat better. In fact, I treat myself better in general.

When I feel fresh to death, so to speak, I feel unstoppable. My freshness has no limit. I’m like a human breath mint.

And when I’m feeling good, I’m doing good for myself. And this makes sense. Studies have shown that the way you dress affects not only your behavior, but even your hormone levels.

Studies?

Have you ever experienced a day where you just feel “on”?

When you’re feeling that way, you’re living a fuller life. You’re less likely to turn to food for comfort or out of boredom or anxiety. You’re feeling sexy and you know it.

So could taking steps to feel “on” more often be beneficial to your mental and physical health? Could a regular routine of manicures increase your general sassiness factor so as to promote weight loss ?

I also wonder – could one facial per month multiply your hotness factor by 15, thereby turning you into a sex god?

I spent about 45 seconds on Google searching for studies that look for correlations between grooming efforts and weight loss. I came up empty. But I will continue my search.

In the meantime, what do you think?
Do you feel that putting more effort into your appearance has any relation to the choices you make throughout the day?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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Oprah Loves Bread (and dough)

Oprah loves bread and I love Oprah. So whats the problem?

The 12 Million Dollar Tweet

Back in January, the internet was abuzz with Oprah’s 12 million dollar tweet. In all fairness, the tweet did contain a 30 second video. And also, in all fairness, the video was about losing 26 pounds. Hard? Yes. $12 million dollars hard? Maybe. Especially when you consider the fact that she did it all while eating bread.

The Oprah Effect

Now, experts are beginning to look at Weight Watcher’s stock for the “Oprah Effect.” And indeed, it appears that Oprah’s recent involvement is starting to pay off.

Carbs are the Devil

I think capitalism is the best. And I think Oprah is the best.  But I can’t help but wonder whether it’s time for companies like Weight Watchers to do more to change the story about carbs.

I get it. It’s all about low-carbs these days. Weight Watchers, which has been struggling recently, is trying to generate PR by taking an active stand against the recent “establishment trend” of a lower carb approach. It’s Goliath posing as David, and right now it works.

But here is the thing – people, in general, are misinformed about EVERYTHING when it comes to nutrition. Our science is bad, our information is bad, and I would pose that our entire approach is misguided.

Is it ok to eat a few carbs? Sure. Everything is ok. But it’s time to stop pitting fads against fads. We need to just get closer to whole foods.

Weight Watchers May be OK, But it Probably Isn’t

I’ve done Weight Watchers before. In the late 90’s. In the 2000’s. In the 2010’s.

I’ve tried all their various formulations. Many times. Who hasn’t?

Weight Watchers does some good. Last time I checked, veggies were unlimited. And I like that. There is a focus on physical activity as well. Great. Maybe Weight Watchers is just what some people need.

But in the end, it didn’t work for me. Sure, it “worked” in some sense. But it didn’t WORK. Not in that deep way that changes how you approach nutrition. And that’s because in the end, it was about counting and restriction. And that is not a satisfying lifestyle for most people.

Another problem is the focus on processed foods. I don’t care how much I count, if I’m eating processed foods, I am never satisfied. It’s just not how people are meant to eat.

Most People Who Do Weight Watchers Regain the Weight

So I’m sure this is true with any diet. Which is exactly why it’s best to avoid weight gain in the first place, by keeping a healthy metabolic state and living on what we were meant to live on – whole foods.

What I find slightly suspect is this statement from a former Weight Watchers business plan from 2001.  The plan emphasizes that its participants “demonstrated a consistent pattern of repeat enrollment over a number of years.” The average person would sign up for an average of FOUR separate program cycles.  Furthermore, in a documentary called “The Men Who Made Us Thin,” former CFO Richard Samber explained that the business was successful for this very reason.  The majority of customers regained the weight they lost.

But Maybe Weight Watchers is What Works for You

I don’t want to be overly critical of Weight Watchers. Losing weight is hard. Sometimes it takes a few tries, and often it never works out at all. Maybe WW is the right thing for you.

But I do want to make one point. Part of the reason that losing weight is so hard is because there are so many factors stacked against you.

In order to lose weight, you need to be strong not only in the face of physical temptation, but also cultural and family pressures. And that’s not all. You also need to be strong in the face of actual misinformation. You need to make smart choices in a world where choices are so often limited to processed foods.

So when Weight Watchers celebrates bread and pasta – some of today’s biggest modern culprits, it’s not really about carbs.

Because sure, a little bread is fine. But what’s not fine is their message. That, in a world of processed foods, it’s preferable to lose weight by restricting calories and focusing on portion control, rather than cutting out food groups that are especially addicting to overweight people. (Keep in mind I use the term “cutting out,” liberally, as if to say cutting out on the vast majority of days.)

The surest approach to maintaining a healthy weight is to fundamentally alter your understanding of what good nutrition means. It means, for the most part, eating food that comes from the earth. And I think the higher ups at Weight Watchers know that.

Of course, you CAN take a whole foods based approach while on the Weight Watchers plan. But that’s besides the point. If you eat whole foods that come from the earth, you don’t need to count anything. Whole foods make you full. It’s only processed foods that make it this way.

So even though Weight Watchers can technically be done the right way, I suspect that many more people are gingerly enjoying their carefully counted bread and pasta servings each day.

Bread every day is, after all, Oprah’s selling point. And I think it’s an irresponsible one.

What do you think?

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Temptation Bundling

Woman exercising on treadmill in gym

 

In yesterday’s post, I posed a challenge for those who struggle to find gym motivation.

I  love psychology. And I believe that pairing gym visits with a particularly engaging story can help you not only find the motivation you need to show up, but also cause you to associate more positive feelings with the gym in the future.

The challenge is a form of “Temptation Bundling.”

Willpower is Half Motivation

Willpower isn’t just willpower. Really, it’s a combined term for two aspects of a human trait:
1. The strength of a desire; and
2. The willingness and ability to actually perform a concrete action in furtherance of that desire

If you know absolutely nothing about math, but know that you’ll get $500 if you learn Trig by next year, you might learn it.

But if you know absolutely nothing about math, but you know that your first born will be killed if you can’t figure it out in the same time frame, the odds of you learning it are much higher.

It’s an oversimplification to chalk this all up to dopamine, but certainly it plays a role. Motivation is related to attention. And attention is related to things that matter to you. Like your first-born not being thrown into a river.

Stack the Deck in Your Favor 

Things that matter to you can improve your willpower by increasing your attention, and therefore your motivation.

So make a conscious effort to make mundane things matter more. This is how you stack the deck in your favor.

It will help you in two different ways:

[1] Activation Energy. Increased attention provides the initial interest and activation energy you need to get started and get over initial hurdles.

[2] Habit Formation  Performing any activity will begin your brain on the journey of creating a habit. Doing it in an interested state will likely make it stick better.  As they say, “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” Soon enough, you’ll enjoy a semi-automatic behavior, the familiarity of which will bring you comfort and joy.  You just need a little help getting there.

Use Temptation Bundling

Temptation bundling is just one hack of many that you can use to increase your motivation, and thus, your willpower. Bundle an enjoyable activity with a less enjoyable one, and keep the association strict. 

In order to do this effectively, you’ll have to know yourself.

For example, I love audiobooks, and I don’t have much of an attention span for television. I like certain shows, but I can’t focus on a show while exercising. You might experience the exact opposite.

If you LOVE a particular show, then ONLY watch that show at the gym. I personally do the same with audiobooks.

More Examples of Temptation Bundling for Fitness

  1. Make a pact with a friend you don’t see often, but whose company you thoroughly enjoy.  For the next three months, you are only going to hang out at the gym. This is you time.
  2. Listen to your favorite audiobook only while exercising.
  3. Watch your favorite TV show only while exercising.
  4. Have a small piece of chocolate every time you exercise! And at no other time.
  5. Splurge on cute gym clothes, so that whenever you are at the gym you feel like the hottest ticket
  6. If you are motivated by physical challenges, then spend the first 2 minutes of your workout racing yourself on the treadmill and try to beat your old times.

Many people do these things without even realizing. Often, these are the people who experience the most success.

If you don’t do these things naturally, then it’s very important to be concrete in your temptation bundling rule and action.

The only person you are trying to help here is yourself, and a concrete behavior is what you need to get the habit formation going.

If you have any other tips and tricks, I’d love to hear. And I’d also love to hear how any of these tips work out for you.

Happy Bundling 🙂

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The Serial Challenge for Gym Haters

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no puppy, you cannot come to the gym.

Serial.  An award winning non-fiction murder mystery podcast. It tells a gripping true story over a series of episodes. You cannot stop listening.

If you haven’t heard it yet, then I have an idea. Start listening to it.
…..But only while you’re at the gym.

This idea occurred to me while listening to another podcast. It’s an episode of Freakonomics called “When willpower isn’t enough.” On this episode, guest Katherine Milkman talked about the concept of “Temptation Bundling.” Milkman is an assistant professor Wharton School at Penn. She has done some interesting research on motivation and choices.

Ok, so maybe Temptation Bundling is obvious. But it works. You can make terrible stuff slightly less terrible by bundling it with good stuff. It’s something many of us do without even noticing.

This challenge is basically just that. But it has the additional benefit of being concrete. So you can make a commitment to simply just do it.

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be like Shia

The Challenge

If you don’t go to the gym because you simply hate going, then this is for you.

Don’t worry about what you do at the gym. Lift weights, do cardio, whatever. Who honestly cares?

You are more than welcome to go easy on yourself. The point is just to get moving. 

Here’s the challenge:

  1. Download the “Serial” Podcast
  2. Pick at least two specific days to go to the gym per week
  3. Spend at least one hour at the gym per visit, listening to the podcast
  4. You are NOT allowed to listen to the Podcast unless you’re at the gym
  5. The challenge is over once you finish the first season.

If, after the challenge, you still hate the gym, then no bid deal. Your challenge is complete, and you did some good for your body.

If, on the other hand, you learn to love the gym, then YAY. Sometimes, it just takes a little bit of activation energy to get started. You’ll just have to try it and see 🙂

If you do this challenge, OR if you have another idea for a good podcast that might work, let me know.

Happy Gyming.

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Get Rid of Your Freaking Clothes

Maintaining a safe distance from your “comfortable” aka “fat” clothes should be treated the same way you’d stay away from the lady clipping her fingernails on the subway: the greater the distance, the better off you are.

I can relate to the need to hang to hang on to your unwanted clothing way beyond its need to exist on your life. This post comes from someone who can justify any purchase through sheer force of imagination.

The thought process goes like this. First you wonder, “How great would this look if I happened to lose 5 pounds while simultaneously finding myself in a casual dining situation in Morocco?” And before you can answer yourself with a resounding, “so great!” You realize that the purchase has already been made.

FullSizeRenderIdentify and destroy bad patterns of behavior. 

It’s time for you to release your cottony victims from your life, closet, or miscellaneous vacuum sealed bag.

Here are a few ways you can convince yourself it’s ok to let go:

• Watch Hoarders
• When you donate your clothes, they go to someone less fortunate and that feels good!
• Curse them with bad luck so you don’t want them anyway
• Wear it to an event where a lot of pictures are taken because god forbid you are twice tagged on social media wearing the same thing to two different events
• Witness a crime in your fat clothes

Clothes swap!

If, due to extreme poverty or a generalized hatred of shopping, you truly feel you have either your fat clothes or plastic bags to choose from – that’s cool.

Start a clothing swap with friends! This is a good way to not only pass on some sweet threads to a deserving peer, but also to have a meeting of the minds.

Those who are further along in their weight loss journey are also passing their motivation on to you. Perhaps your bestie’s pants are only a temporary stop before you step down to another size – free stuff! no commitments! One of my favorite things about pants is that they don’t judge. You can use them as much as you need to and drop them like a hot potato as you continue to drop the amount of hot potatoes you eat.

May your fridges and closets be wisely stocked!

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Five Things to Drink Instead of Diet Coke

Writing this post feels a bit like speaking at my own funeral. I love Diet Coke so much. Diet Coke is my friend.

But fuck Diet Coke, because it’s my greatest addiction.

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But I love you Diet Coke. I was just playing. Come back 😥

Kicking the Habit

I’ve tried so many times to kick the habit. I failed, I succeeded, and failed.

I kid you not that I had serious withdrawals. If I didn’t drink Diet Coke by 1 PM, my lower back would start hurting. I would get a terrible headache. Wtf is that about.

An End to Extreme Approaches

I used to take an extreme approach to quitting the great Diet Coke. “Starting today,” my dumbass would say, “no Diet Coke for all of eternity.”

And by 1 PM my back would hurt. And by day three, you’d find me underneath an overpass, injecting Diet Coke directly into my thigh.

I’ve stopped taking this approach. Quitting my dearest friend is too hard.

Instead, when I want a Diet Coke, I just try to drink something else. And sometimes, just sometimes, I have a fucking Diet Coke. And it’s glorious.

Five Alternatives to Diet Coke

1. Water. Need I say more?

2. Green Tea. Usually, water doesn’t scratch the itch. And oddly enough, coffee doesn’t scratch the itch for me either. I’ve never been a huge tea drinker, but Green Tea somehow does the trick for me. And after substituting Green Tea for Diet Coke a few times, it actually became much easier. It’s a habit thing. If you don’t like Green Tea, maybe you’ll like  Black Tea or one of those zesty orange flavored teas.

3. Coffee. Maybe coffee will work for you. Coffee is delicious, and it has health benefits. The coffee at my office is disgusting and burnt.  It gives me heartburn. So choose a coffee that is not the coffee at my office.

4. Vitamin Water Zero. Ok so arguably this is just as terrible for you as Diet Coke. I don’t know, it probably is. But I find it less addicting. And I guess it has vitamins. So sometimes I just want a Diet Coke and I have a vitamin water instead. Then I don’t want Diet Coke anymore.

5. Crack. Sometimes, you need something a bit harder. Crack is probably equally addicting to Diet Coke, but you won’t find it at Duane Reade. Once you develop a full blown crack habit, your Diet Coke habit won’t seem so bad. It’s all about perspective.

I can’t remember if crack is one of those drugs that makes you skinny, but try it for yourself and let me know.

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