Saturday Faturday

wine

As if getting drunk on Friday night doesn’t have enough calories – enter Saturday Faturday: I am hungover and I will eat everything.

I’ve figured out hacks, tips and tricks for just about everything, but the one thing I haven’t quite figured out is how to deal with alcohol and its after effects.

When I’m drunk, or even tipsy, I must eat or I will die.
And when I’m hungover, I need to eat carby and fatty foods all day or else my hangover will never end.

Here is a list of things I ate today. (Keep in mind, it’s not even 1 PM):

  • 2 bagels
  • 1 cheeseburger
  • 1 lindt chocolate truffle
  • a few handfuls of caramel popcorn
  • (I currently have a sweet potato roasting in the oven)

How do you deal with incorporating alcohol into your life? 

For me, “just one drink” isn’t the answer. One drink is more than enough to get me drunk. Sadly, I’m a lightweight.

While losing weight, I try to avoid alcohol altogether. While maintaining, I drink but not often.

I suppose I could continue to eat carby and fatty foods, but rather than choosing a breakfast consisting of two bagels and cheeseburger, I could choose a healthier option. Maybe a nice wrap with avocado and some meat and nuts.

Or! I could just lay down on the couch all day while eating cheesefries. Hmm…

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How to Find Good Food

Yesterday I wrote a post about decent fast food options. I know I know, I totally suck at Fitness.

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If you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me, I’ll do my best to restore some balance to the universe with this post.

How? By sharing a really awesome website I came across yesterday. It’s called EatWellGuide.org.

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EatWellGuide.org landing page

The premise: EatWellGuide.org helps you locate local healthy options. All you do is put in your Zip Code, town, or City.

Why I like It: 

  • I’ve been struggling to find a local Farmer’s Market. Even though I live just outside the city, I live just outside the city. So it’s a schlep to buy food there and bring it over on pubic transport.
  • It’s easier to use than Google Maps because the search is narrower.

Potential Downfall:

  • It seems like it may be focused on certain geographical areas, but I’m not 100% sure.
  • Try it out and see if it works for you!

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Fast Food Decency

 

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“I can barely taste the difference”

My mantra = eat. real. food. But sometimes, real food isn’t there. And other times, you have your period. So you really just want to have fast food.

My problem with fast food, more than anything, is the industry’s general treatment of animals. I don’t go overboard, but I try to minimize my support of fast food restaurants for that reason alone. Emphasis on “try.”

Of course, there are obvious health hazards related to eating fast food regularly. But of course health matters vary based on your personal circumstances and level of activity. The occasional fast food meal won’t make or break you.

In any event, sometimes fast food is what’s there. Here are a few decent options.

McDonald’s: South West Chicken Salad

Remember those gross salad shakers McDonald’s use to have?

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What on earth were they thinking?

Those days are long gone, my friends. The Southwest Chicken Salad is actually super delicious and yummy. It has mixed greens, chicken, beans, cheese and some little tortilla chips. The ingredients are reliably fresh, at least in my experience.

It’s also really cheap, as far as salads go in New York, around 5 – 7$ depending on the location. As a comparison, a lunch salad in the city is usually around $12-15 dollars.

McDonalds: Vanilla Cone

The McDonald’s Vanilla Cone is truly a hidden gem. It’s nothing less than a tragedy how few people know of its existence.

Dude, this stuff looks and tastes like ice cream. But it only has 170 calories. And 5G of protein. It’s not a bad choice – I have it quite often.

Plus – it’s like .99 cents. Some locations even have an extra small size. Ask for a “kid’s cone.”

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“Can I have a Kid’s Cone please? But make it for 28 year olds.” 

Wendy’s:  Chili + Baked Potato or Side Salad

Some of the best moments of my life were moments I spent eating Wendy’s chili. Depressing? Yes. True? Very.

If it weren’t for Wendy’s Chili, I’d never have any excuse to eat saltines. And I love saltines very much.

I usually get my Chili with a baked potato + sour cream and chives. Alternatively, I get the caesar side salad, and dump the chili on top of it.

Wendy’s: Everything You Actually Want, But in a Tiny Version

If you happen to find yourself at Wendy’s, and you actually want the real stuff, you’re in luck. Wendy’s has itsy bitsy versions of quite a few menu items.

Just ask for the “value size.” And yes, they have tiny Frosty’s too.

Bonus Sauce: Even though your fries and nugs are now tiny, the BBQ sauce stays the same size.

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No, this soda is not enormous. 

Burger King: Ceasar Salad

Burger King’s salad is not nearly as good as McDonald’s, but at least the ingredients have appeared fresh in my experience. And it isn’t gross. At the very least it’s better than getting a Whopper.

Taco Bell: Fresco Menu

Taco Bell has a light menu, called the “Fresco Menu.” These are decent choices, calorie-wise. In fact, pretty much any soft taco is a decent option. The Bell also has rice in a styrofoam cup. #epitomeofclass

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“I’ll have one of everything, please. Actually, make that two.”

A word of caution: these items are not exactly filling.

I find that the Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes are far more suited to my tastes. Not terrible. 270 calories. Could be worse – I could be eating an entire antelope followed by a jar of Nutella.

Any Suggestions?

These are just a few decent fast food options – I’m sure there are many more out there.

I’d love to hear your recommendations.

…Together, we can make sure that no fast food item will ever go uneaten.

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Coconut Oil Coffee

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Holy crap. My Cousin Diana is on fire.

Yesterday, I posted a recipe she texted me a little while back – Spaghetti Squash a la Cousin Diana.

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Admittedly, I haven’t tried it yet. But it looks out of control.

Today, she’s back at it. And this time, she’s all about COCONUT OIL COFFEE. 

What???

How to:

  • Black coffee
  • Sweeten to taste (she likes two splenda)
  • 1 – 2 teaspoons coconut oil
  • Blend for a few seconds to allow oil to emulsify

RESULT:  Healthy coconut coffee goodness.

This is life changing.

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Can a Marijuana Diet Help You Lose Weight?

Ok. I’m a bit suspicious of this. Maybe even paranoid 😉

But I suppose I should read the book before judging.

Reblogged from Vuber Vapes:

A new study revealed that weed/ cannabinoids plays an important role in a person’s digestion. Though the “Marijuana Diet” sound’s enticing, it does not however provide positive results without a proper diet.

The Stoners Cookbook revealed the details on how the diet works. It was mention that “The Marijuana Diet” handbook is something most pot smokers can invest on, wherein they gave tips on how the diet works.

Source: Can a Marijuana Diet Help You Lose Weight?

Spaghetti Squash a la Cousin Diana

This recipe arriveth at Fat Girls Fitness via text message from my cousin Diana.

Cousin Diana is a medical doctor!! So you punks better listen up & show her recipe some respect.

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Spaghetti Squash? Or an actual photo of your mammary glands?

You’ll need:

  • one spaghetti squash
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tomato (diced)
  • minced garlic
  • shaved parmesan
  • Optional: 1 or 2 slices provolone cheese

Instructions: 

  1. Find a spaghetti squash. Where? Beats me. My local shithole doesn’t seem to have any.
  2. Once you find that thing, cut in half, length wise. Also, give me a call and tell me where you found it.
  3. Set oven to 450F
  4. Scoop out seeds
  5. Add the following (per side):
    • one tbsp olive oil
    • minced garlic
    • 1/2 diced tomato
    • shaved parmesan
  6. Bake for 60 minutes
  7. Remove from oven, use two forks to shave squash into spaghetti like strands
  8. Optional: cover w/ one slice of provolone cheese & place back into oven for 10 min.
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This is what it looks like covered in sweet sweet provolone 🙂

Full disclosure: I haven’t personally tried this recipe just yet.

It’s not that I don’t love my Cousin Diana (really I do!). It’s just that I’ve had  zero success in finding a spaghetti squash ANYWHERE in this godforsaken town.

In any event, it looks good. Like Leonardo DiCaprio good. And I’m told it’s tasty. Like Beyonce tasty.

So I will try it soon.

..And if it sucks, well I’m sorry. Maybe you shouldn’t believe every recipe you read on the internet.

Happy Squashing.

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Women are the Superior Sex

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Earlier today, I posted about Amelia Earhart.  But on International Women’s Day, one post is never enough.

Because in honor of this special day, I need to come clean: 
I am 100% convinced that Women are the superior sex.

Not equal, but better. And measurably so. Now before you call me a feminist bitch, two points:

  1. It’s not particularly important to me to be a member of the superior sex. I have no dog in this fight. But facts are facts. We’re a little bit better, on average, than dudes.  Dudes, on the other hand, are the absolute worst.
  2. I am not a feminist. REPEAT: I am not a feminist. I just happen to think women are better than men in most ways.

Reasoning:

  1. I hate every man on public transportation.

If you are an XY, and you’re on public transportation, then you probably fall into one of the following categories (and most likely more than one):

  • You smell;
  • You take up too much space;
  • you rap at me; OR
  • you ogle.

On the Problem of Man Spreading

What the fucking fuck? Man spreading has gotten so bad on the NY subway system, that the MTA has spent the past two years campaigning to discourage it.

Let me put it this way. MTA could be spending those funds on oh umm…..AIR CONDITIONING in those sweltering Summer months? Or how about cleaning up urine? (Which come to think of it, is also the fault of men.)

But NO. The MTA can’t waste a single penny solving actual problems. And that’s because men take up such an extraordinary amount of space with their stupid hairy legs that every last penny must be spent just trying to cope with this oddly specific problem.

I will never believe that your most treasured appendage is so overwhelmingly large that you just HAVE to take up three seats. Just close your legs, and assert your dominance elsewhere.

If I were King, all of the subway systems could afford air conditioning because man spreading would be a capital offense.  Chocolate would also be free for everyone.

On rap

I thoroughly enjoy rap music. But I don’t enjoy being rapped at.

…Well actually I kind of do. But in any event, it’s impolite.

I have NEVER been rapped at by a woman. Women don’t rap AT people, they rap WITH people. Because women are not monsters. And men are the devil.

2. Women have better social intelligence.

Which isn’t hard. Because most men have a whopping zero percent.

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Oprah knows.

3. Women see gray areas.

I’ve always suspected that women are better at detecting nuance than men. Men have no idea about this. Probably because they are so incredibly shitty at detecting nuance.

But I’m not the only one who feels this way. Here is a scientific source.

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men understand nothing.

4. Women have all the uteri.

That’s right, fools. All of them.

We can freeze dry your sperm, but just TRY to freeze dry my uterus. It won’t work. And I will send you straight to jail if you even think about it.

5. Men Lose Weight Faster

Admittedly, this one doesn’t make women superior. I’m just including it because it makes me that fucking mad.

Like goddammit guys, the irony of this.  No one even cares if you’re skinny. We mostly just care about how much money you make.

You dudes, on the other hand, care so much. In fact when it comes to attractiveness, you prioritize thinness over any other feature. And it’s not even your fault. You were just born this way. As total baby douchebags.

Zen Moments

Phew. I’m sorry boys. That little rant felt so good.

I guess International Women’s Day doesn’t require man bashing, but hey sometimes these things happen.

And I guess it’s not necessary for one sex to be superior to the other.

…But it just so happens that mine is. #girlpower

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Did I Just Feel Warmth?

I must be mistaken.  Did I just feel the Sun through the window?

According to the actual internet, here is the 10 day forecast for the NYC area:

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You probably have some questions:  

  • Yes, this is an actual screenshot.
  • No, I’m not making this 10 day forecast up for attention. Not after last time…

Attention ladies! This means:

  • Unless you’re a feminist, it’s time to shave your January coat. If you have a January coat, then you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then god bless your hairless soul.
  • …Don’t forget your armpits

Ladies and Gentlemen of NYC Public Transportation:

  • deodorant, while not required, will be greatly appreciated beginning this week

Fat People (myself included): 

  • The Sun has entered our fat miserable lives, and being cold and miserable is no longer a valid excuse to not exercise
  • A gym membership is not necessary in this weather, so your wretched state poverty is also no excuse. Less money = less food.

Now is the Perfect Time to Get into Shape!

Forget January. Now is the BEST time to get into shape.

Why:

  1. You don’t feel cold and miserable, and can thus bear torturing yourself with diet and exercise;
  2. Longer sunlight hours means more time for working out and more energy;
  3. AND YET! The party season is not here yet. So you can cut out booze & snacks for a little while without undue hardship.
  4. Eating salads is somehow much easier in warm weather;
  5. The prospect of looking good and being less sweaty this Summer is so close you can taste it!

WALKS WALKS WALKS

I’ve lost so much of my weight just by walking. And this is perfect walking weather. It’s also perfect hiking weather 😀 😀 😀

Yesterday roomie and I went for a nice evening walk along the Hudson. So what if the walk was to PF Changs and back? Fit Girls need lo mein too.

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Coconut Fried Bananas

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sizzle sizzle

You want fried dessert, but you don’t want to hate yourself.  This takes 4.5 seconds to make, and requires two ingredients.

All you need is:

  1. Two bananas
  2. 2 tbsp of coconut oil

About the bananas: 

  • Pick bananas that are not too ripe. No matter what you do, the bananas will stick to the pan a little bit. The less ripe, the less they’ll stick. Frying them in oil will bring out the natural sweetness in any event.
  • I get my bananas from 7/11, because I’m a scumbag. Don’t be like me. Use better bananas.
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this is what a sad 7/11 banana looks like

About the oil: 

  • I keep my coconut oil in the fridge, which means it’s hard. I let it sit out for a few minutes prior to using.
  • I use Carrington Farm’s 100% organic coconut oil, because that’s what I have. Ideally I would use Trader Joe’s everything. But this works fine.
  • Use plenty of oil. These bananas will stick.

 

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my 2nd favorite coconut oil

What to do:

  1. Slice bananas
  2. Get pan a bit hot, then add 2 tablespoons coconut oil.
  3. When oil is beginning to get hot, add sliced bananas
  4. Cook as needed. 30 seconds – 1 min per side seems to work for me. 
  5. Brag to your roommate about what happened to all of the bananas

 

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I Don’t Want to Lose You

 

When it’s Grub Hub time, I don’t peruse. I stay in focus, eyes on the prize. Usually, it’s mediterranean food that I truly desire.

I have a favorite. Garbanzo Grill is the name, and yummy comestibles is the game. Their food = delicious, healthy, and filling. Their delivery person = less creepy than most.

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Yay! 

My roommate & fellow contributor Valerie normally partakes in the feast. But yesterday, Valerie wasn’t here. And just when I needed her most 😥

Because my treasured jewel was gone. Where the F was my favorite salad? The one I look forward to. The one I overpay for. The one I could NEVER live without.. 

To add to my horror – I cannot remember the ingredients. Panic sets in: “Goddamit, Dorit. Get it together. It MUST be somewhere on this menu.”

I text Valerie “OMFG WHERE IS MY SALAD.”

She seems confused. I don’t have time for explanations.

In an cruel twist, I suddenly can’t recall the salad’s name. But in this troubled time, adrenaline kicks in. A flash of genius!: “Look to your past orders, Dorit. It’s going to be OK.” 

I tear apart the archives. Sure enough, my beauty has a name: “Shepard’s Salad” Thank God. Let me Control + F that.

Praised be the name of God! It’s still here. And still 4 dollars for a serving the size of a small grape. The psychopaths had inexplicably removed it from the “salads” section to the “appetizers.” WHY YOU BUFFOONS WHY?

A proper scare. But nothing is lost. In fact, something is gained.

I will never take my favorite salad for granted again. I will learn about you, and I will give you all of the respect. I will learn to make you from scratch, my friend, and I will share you on the internet for all to enjoy.

Here are the ingredients: Cucumbers, tomatoes, parsley, red onions, olive oil and fresh lemon juice.

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Simple yet elegant

I love you my salad.  I’m so sorry I forgot your name.  And I’m sorry that I forgot all of your ingredients.

But I’m different now; I’m a better man.

AND I will NEVER be without you again. 

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