The Great American Cobbler

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One of the greatest things about being an American is freedom.  Freedom of speech. Freedom of religion. The freedom to make a delicious berry cobbler using only my roommate’s ingredients.

Great American Cobbler facts:

  • Tastes healthier than most (although I’m not sure if that’s a good thing).
  • Very simple to make. #basic
  • Yummy for breakfast.
  • Relatively inexpensive, provided that you use only your roommate’s ingredients.

Warning: I don’t generally recommend cobbler of any kind if you are trying to lose weight.  But if you’re looking for a decent dessert choice, this one is OK.  You can vastly increase the fruit to cobbler ratio for an even better choice.

Ingredients:

  • Whole Wheat Flour;  3/4 cup
  • Milk; 1/2 cup
  • White or Brown Sugar; 1/4 cup
  • Baking Powder; 1 teaspoon
  • Salt; 1/4 teaspoon
  • Honey; amount uncertain
  • Vanilla extract; just a drop
  • Frozen or Fresh berries; 2 cups or more
  • Non-stick Spray
  •  Optional: Stevia; to taste
  • Optional: 1 tsp butter (to coat pan)

Steps:

  • Pre-heat oven to 350
  • Mix the following in a bowl
    • Whole Wheat Flour;  3/4 cup
    • Milk; 1/2 cup
    • White or Brown Sugar; 1/4 cup
    • Baking Powder; 1 teaspoon
    • Salt; 1/4 teaspoon
    • Honey; amount uncertain
    • Vanilla extract; just a drop
    • Optional: Stevia, to taste
  • Coat 9 inch pan
    • I use nonstick coconut oil spray. You can also melt 1 tsp butter in the pan, this improves the taste.
  • Pour batter into pan
  • Sprinkle frozen or fresh berries on top, don’t mix in
  • Sprinkle just a touch of sugar on top of berries
  • Bake 50 min – 1 hour.
  • Eat the fucking cobbler.

FAQ’s

  • Q: What if I don’t have a roommate?
    • A: Unfortunately, you may need to purchase your own ingredients.
  • Q: How much honey should I use?
    • A: I’m not sure. I just squeeze a bunch in.

Happy nomming!

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“One Step” Slow Cooker Chicken

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Ok, so really it’s TWO steps.  Three if you count buying the chicken, and four if you count turning the knob on your slow cooker. Reasons why this recipe is awesome:

  • Simplicity/Affordability
    • Ridiculously simple;
    • Only takes TWO ingredients;
    • Perfect for people who can’t afford salt.
  • Deliciousness. Juiciness factor = high; A++
  • Appeal to Sadism. You get to bathe a chicken breast in its own broth.  And then you get to eat it.

BUT! Take heed: This dish is NOT pretty. In fact, it looks gross. Save something else for date night.

You’ll need:

  • A Slow Cooker
  • Chicken Breast (as a typical white person, I prefer Organic)
  • Chicken Broth (as a typical white person, I prefer Swanson)

Procedure:

1. Apply raw chicken breast to slow cooker. To avoid contracting Salmonella, ask an elderly neighbor to handle the chicken for you.

2. Apply broth to chicken. One cup broth per chicken breast = good, but you can probably get away with a little less.

3. Turn knob. Try not to hurt your wrist.

  • For juicy results: 7 to 8 hours on LOW is ideal.
    • 3.5 to 4 hours on HIGH works too.
  • Time Adjustments: Cook time assumes you’re cooking three lightly frozen chicken breasts in three cups of broth. Adjust up or down based on:
    • how many breasts you’re handling; AND
    • the frostiness of said breasts

Dinner is Served!

This chicken is PERFECT for shredding (imagine – salads/tacos) but also quite yummy whole. There’s no need to season or salt it, but if that is your most urgent desire, I’m not going to jump through your computer screen and stop you.

If you’re interested in experiencing heaven on earth, try it with a side of aromatic jasmine rice and greek yogurt.  It’s yummy, healthy, and (presumably) John Stamos approved.

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So good for you. 

Added bonus – your kitchen will smell awesome for hours.

Happy Slow Cooking 🙂

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Spaghetti Squash a la Cousin Diana

This recipe arriveth at Fat Girls Fitness via text message from my cousin Diana.

Cousin Diana is a medical doctor!! So you punks better listen up & show her recipe some respect.

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Spaghetti Squash? Or an actual photo of your mammary glands?

You’ll need:

  • one spaghetti squash
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tomato (diced)
  • minced garlic
  • shaved parmesan
  • Optional: 1 or 2 slices provolone cheese

Instructions: 

  1. Find a spaghetti squash. Where? Beats me. My local shithole doesn’t seem to have any.
  2. Once you find that thing, cut in half, length wise. Also, give me a call and tell me where you found it.
  3. Set oven to 450F
  4. Scoop out seeds
  5. Add the following (per side):
    • one tbsp olive oil
    • minced garlic
    • 1/2 diced tomato
    • shaved parmesan
  6. Bake for 60 minutes
  7. Remove from oven, use two forks to shave squash into spaghetti like strands
  8. Optional: cover w/ one slice of provolone cheese & place back into oven for 10 min.
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This is what it looks like covered in sweet sweet provolone 🙂

Full disclosure: I haven’t personally tried this recipe just yet.

It’s not that I don’t love my Cousin Diana (really I do!). It’s just that I’ve had  zero success in finding a spaghetti squash ANYWHERE in this godforsaken town.

In any event, it looks good. Like Leonardo DiCaprio good. And I’m told it’s tasty. Like Beyonce tasty.

So I will try it soon.

..And if it sucks, well I’m sorry. Maybe you shouldn’t believe every recipe you read on the internet.

Happy Squashing.

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Low Carb V-Day Dessert Alert!

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“Scale, scale on the floor, who’s the fittest of them all?” Obviously you and me because we decided not to give into temptation and eat all those delicious heart shaped candies.

This won’t be a long post because I need to make this cheesecake and let it cool before the season premier of “The Walking Dead” tonight!

Few things before we begin:

*I’ve only made this in mini meatloaf pans and it’s yielded enough for two pans. I am sure this can be done in a cake pan and a cupcake pan but I haven’t tried them yet.

*Great make-ahead dessert/treat. They freeze very well.

*I’ve kept them in the fridge, stored in ziplock bags and they held up for five days. I am not sure about any longer.

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Recipe

1- 8oz package of cream cheese

1 egg

8 Splenda packets

1 tbls vanilla extract

1 tbls Torani sugar free chocolate macadamia nut syrup (If you do not have this, I suggest using a teaspoon of vanilla extract)

*Optional: cocoa powder or crushed nuts, or fruit like blue berries, or crushed bakers chocolate

*Optional: Top it off with some fresh fruit and whipcream

I used chopped walnuts and lined the pan with the walnuts to make a “crust”

Directions

Preheat oven to 350F

Mix all ingredients together

Grease your pan (I used PAM)

If you are lining your dish with crushed walnuts, do that first and pour batter on top. If not, pour batter into dish

Bake for approx 40-45 min or until cake looks golden brown

Please make sure to refrigerate before eating. It tastes much better chilled. Last time I made them, I put them in the freezer to cool off because we were impatient and wanted them ASAP. So remember to refrigerate or freeze prior to eating.

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How to get 8 Times More Beta-Carotene from Your Carrots

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cool as a carrot

I love carrots. So obviously I hulked out with rage and excitement when I learned these easy tricks to maximize their nutritional content. This comes from one of my favorite books, “Eating on the Wild Side,” by Jo Robinson.

If you follow these steps, you can increase the nutritional value of your carrots by up to 800%. So do it!

  1. Choose mature carrots over baby carrots.

Baby carrots are not the same as human babies. They come from ugly looking mature carrots, with the outer parts cut off and thrown away. Come to think of it, they are kind of like human babies after all.

But here is why you have a problem. Like many fruits and veggies, the greatest concentration of anti-oxidants and nutrients in carrots can be found in the skin, as well as in the tissues immediately below the skin.

From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. Anti-oxidants are needed in the outermost layers of the plant, so that it can best protect itself from pests and disease. And also from the growing influence of America’s far right.

Opt for regular mature carrots, and you will have access to the healthiest parts of the carrot.

2. Eat fresh rather than frozen carrots.

Unlike some other veggies, carrots lose much of their nutritional value when frozen or thawed. Opt for fresh carrots over frozen.

3. Steam or sauté your carrots rather than boiling them.

When you boil your carrot, some of the water soluble nutrients end up in the cooking water. Avoid this by steaming or sautéing your carrots.

You can also avoid some of this nutritional loss by cooking your carrots whole, and cutting them afterward.

4. Eat your carrots with fat.

A little bit of fat will help you absorb the most beta-carotene from your carrot. That’s because beta-carotene is fat soluble.

This makes me happy, because fat tastes like heaven.  Carrot flavored ice cream anyone?

Happy munching 🙂

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Caribbean Jerk Shrimp and Sweet Potato Avocado Mash

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No offense to Paula Deen or my Russian ancestors, but we do not need to use butter in everything! “What do you mash with your potatoes to make them moist and flavorful?”
::insert heavy Russian accent::

 

Say hello to my little friend, Avocado.

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I promise I will get to the recipe in a second but first lets see the difference between avocado and buttah:
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Ingredients for one serving:

  • 1 sweet potato
  • 1/2 avocado
  • Salt and pepper
  • Cayenne pepper optional
  • 1/2 onion chopped
  • 1 tbs minced garlic
  • 1 tbs evoo or coconut oil
  • Walkerswood Jamaican Jerk Seasoning
  • Lemon juice for the avocado and shrimp
  • 3 oz shrimp (I used Target’s Market Pantry small shrimp): 60 cal/13g protein

Directions:

  • Preheat oven to 350 F
  • Pierce holes around sweet potato and bake for 45-1 hour or until soft or microwave for approx 10 min turning sides once
  • Soak shrimp in cold water for about 15 min
  • Once shrimp have defrosted place in ziploc bag and mix with jerk seasoning. Cook on pan for about 3-5 minutes or until translucent
  • Chop onion and garlic, saute for approx 3 to 4 minutes until translucent
  • Drizzle half avocado with lemon juice, salt and pepper
  • Mash baked potato and avocado together and mix in onions and garlic
  • Serve with cooked shrimped and lemon wedge

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Take a pizza my heart

Let me preface this by saying dinner was so easy to make and Hubby approved ::two thumbs up::

I introduce to you my cheat clean dinner for the week…drum roll please!!!!

*Tortilla pizza*

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Be still our hearts… friends, our pizza days are not over…just modified.

As you get to know me, you’ll see I focus on high protein-low carb meals. Carbs have always been a big problem for me. Unfortunately they don’t go straight to my ass, more like my stomach and thighs 😦 Ok, less about me and more about this pizza.

One Mission tortilla= 6 carbs Trader Giotto’s Rustica sauce = 4 carbs per 1/2 cup (trust me, you won’t need to use that much for one slice) and zero carbs for cheese and Hormel turkey pepperoni. Max carbs for this meal is 10 grams.

Here’s what you got to do:

Preheat oven to 350 F

Spray your baking sheet with cooking spray

Lay your heavenly wrap on the sheet

Spread sauce, cheese, and pepperoni on top (remember, you can substitute with any topping or no topping at all…ain’t nothing wrong with the ol’ reliable cheese and sauce)

Pop it in the oven to desired crispiness. Personally, the crispier the better. I love the crunch! – This was about 10 min.

Serve with a side salad and I’d say you got yourself a gourmet Italian dinner 😉

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