Spaghetti Squash a la Cousin Diana

This recipe arriveth at Fat Girls Fitness via text message from my cousin Diana.

Cousin Diana is a medical doctor!! So you punks better listen up & show her recipe some respect.

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Spaghetti Squash? Or an actual photo of your mammary glands?

You’ll need:

  • one spaghetti squash
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tomato (diced)
  • minced garlic
  • shaved parmesan
  • Optional: 1 or 2 slices provolone cheese

Instructions: 

  1. Find a spaghetti squash. Where? Beats me. My local shithole doesn’t seem to have any.
  2. Once you find that thing, cut in half, length wise. Also, give me a call and tell me where you found it.
  3. Set oven to 450F
  4. Scoop out seeds
  5. Add the following (per side):
    • one tbsp olive oil
    • minced garlic
    • 1/2 diced tomato
    • shaved parmesan
  6. Bake for 60 minutes
  7. Remove from oven, use two forks to shave squash into spaghetti like strands
  8. Optional: cover w/ one slice of provolone cheese & place back into oven for 10 min.
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This is what it looks like covered in sweet sweet provolone 🙂

Full disclosure: I haven’t personally tried this recipe just yet.

It’s not that I don’t love my Cousin Diana (really I do!). It’s just that I’ve had  zero success in finding a spaghetti squash ANYWHERE in this godforsaken town.

In any event, it looks good. Like Leonardo DiCaprio good. And I’m told it’s tasty. Like Beyonce tasty.

So I will try it soon.

..And if it sucks, well I’m sorry. Maybe you shouldn’t believe every recipe you read on the internet.

Happy Squashing.

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Women are the Superior Sex

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Earlier today, I posted about Amelia Earhart.  But on International Women’s Day, one post is never enough.

Because in honor of this special day, I need to come clean: 
I am 100% convinced that Women are the superior sex.

Not equal, but better. And measurably so. Now before you call me a feminist bitch, two points:

  1. It’s not particularly important to me to be a member of the superior sex. I have no dog in this fight. But facts are facts. We’re a little bit better, on average, than dudes.  Dudes, on the other hand, are the absolute worst.
  2. I am not a feminist. REPEAT: I am not a feminist. I just happen to think women are better than men in most ways.

Reasoning:

  1. I hate every man on public transportation.

If you are an XY, and you’re on public transportation, then you probably fall into one of the following categories (and most likely more than one):

  • You smell;
  • You take up too much space;
  • you rap at me; OR
  • you ogle.

On the Problem of Man Spreading

What the fucking fuck? Man spreading has gotten so bad on the NY subway system, that the MTA has spent the past two years campaigning to discourage it.

Let me put it this way. MTA could be spending those funds on oh umm…..AIR CONDITIONING in those sweltering Summer months? Or how about cleaning up urine? (Which come to think of it, is also the fault of men.)

But NO. The MTA can’t waste a single penny solving actual problems. And that’s because men take up such an extraordinary amount of space with their stupid hairy legs that every last penny must be spent just trying to cope with this oddly specific problem.

I will never believe that your most treasured appendage is so overwhelmingly large that you just HAVE to take up three seats. Just close your legs, and assert your dominance elsewhere.

If I were King, all of the subway systems could afford air conditioning because man spreading would be a capital offense.  Chocolate would also be free for everyone.

On rap

I thoroughly enjoy rap music. But I don’t enjoy being rapped at.

…Well actually I kind of do. But in any event, it’s impolite.

I have NEVER been rapped at by a woman. Women don’t rap AT people, they rap WITH people. Because women are not monsters. And men are the devil.

2. Women have better social intelligence.

Which isn’t hard. Because most men have a whopping zero percent.

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Oprah knows.

3. Women see gray areas.

I’ve always suspected that women are better at detecting nuance than men. Men have no idea about this. Probably because they are so incredibly shitty at detecting nuance.

But I’m not the only one who feels this way. Here is a scientific source.

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men understand nothing.

4. Women have all the uteri.

That’s right, fools. All of them.

We can freeze dry your sperm, but just TRY to freeze dry my uterus. It won’t work. And I will send you straight to jail if you even think about it.

5. Men Lose Weight Faster

Admittedly, this one doesn’t make women superior. I’m just including it because it makes me that fucking mad.

Like goddammit guys, the irony of this.  No one even cares if you’re skinny. We mostly just care about how much money you make.

You dudes, on the other hand, care so much. In fact when it comes to attractiveness, you prioritize thinness over any other feature. And it’s not even your fault. You were just born this way. As total baby douchebags.

Zen Moments

Phew. I’m sorry boys. That little rant felt so good.

I guess International Women’s Day doesn’t require man bashing, but hey sometimes these things happen.

And I guess it’s not necessary for one sex to be superior to the other.

…But it just so happens that mine is. #girlpower

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Did I Just Feel Warmth?

I must be mistaken.  Did I just feel the Sun through the window?

According to the actual internet, here is the 10 day forecast for the NYC area:

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You probably have some questions:  

  • Yes, this is an actual screenshot.
  • No, I’m not making this 10 day forecast up for attention. Not after last time…

Attention ladies! This means:

  • Unless you’re a feminist, it’s time to shave your January coat. If you have a January coat, then you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then god bless your hairless soul.
  • …Don’t forget your armpits

Ladies and Gentlemen of NYC Public Transportation:

  • deodorant, while not required, will be greatly appreciated beginning this week

Fat People (myself included): 

  • The Sun has entered our fat miserable lives, and being cold and miserable is no longer a valid excuse to not exercise
  • A gym membership is not necessary in this weather, so your wretched state poverty is also no excuse. Less money = less food.

Now is the Perfect Time to Get into Shape!

Forget January. Now is the BEST time to get into shape.

Why:

  1. You don’t feel cold and miserable, and can thus bear torturing yourself with diet and exercise;
  2. Longer sunlight hours means more time for working out and more energy;
  3. AND YET! The party season is not here yet. So you can cut out booze & snacks for a little while without undue hardship.
  4. Eating salads is somehow much easier in warm weather;
  5. The prospect of looking good and being less sweaty this Summer is so close you can taste it!

WALKS WALKS WALKS

I’ve lost so much of my weight just by walking. And this is perfect walking weather. It’s also perfect hiking weather 😀 😀 😀

Yesterday roomie and I went for a nice evening walk along the Hudson. So what if the walk was to PF Changs and back? Fit Girls need lo mein too.

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Coconut Fried Bananas

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sizzle sizzle

You want fried dessert, but you don’t want to hate yourself.  This takes 4.5 seconds to make, and requires two ingredients.

All you need is:

  1. Two bananas
  2. 2 tbsp of coconut oil

About the bananas: 

  • Pick bananas that are not too ripe. No matter what you do, the bananas will stick to the pan a little bit. The less ripe, the less they’ll stick. Frying them in oil will bring out the natural sweetness in any event.
  • I get my bananas from 7/11, because I’m a scumbag. Don’t be like me. Use better bananas.
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this is what a sad 7/11 banana looks like

About the oil: 

  • I keep my coconut oil in the fridge, which means it’s hard. I let it sit out for a few minutes prior to using.
  • I use Carrington Farm’s 100% organic coconut oil, because that’s what I have. Ideally I would use Trader Joe’s everything. But this works fine.
  • Use plenty of oil. These bananas will stick.

 

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my 2nd favorite coconut oil

What to do:

  1. Slice bananas
  2. Get pan a bit hot, then add 2 tablespoons coconut oil.
  3. When oil is beginning to get hot, add sliced bananas
  4. Cook as needed. 30 seconds – 1 min per side seems to work for me. 
  5. Brag to your roommate about what happened to all of the bananas

 

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How to Eat Half a Bagel

This morning I walked into the office only to be confronted with my greatest nightmare:

Complimentary. Bagels.

At first I stepped around the bagels, cautiously avoiding eye contact with those crusty devils. Fortunately for me, my desk is a long windy path from the kitchen. Unfortunately for me, I had already noticed the generous assortment of shmear.

I needed a small excuse to investigate further. And a small excuse I found.

Despite working a comfortable distance from the bagels, some nameless monster had placed the platter PRECISELY where our horrendous office coffee resides. This coffee is worse than foul; it’s burnt to a crisp. So I knew I was headed into dangerous territory when I found myself suddenly yearning for an innocent cup of absolute sewage.

I approach the kitchen in much the same way a cleaner fish approaches a shark’s mouth. Even before I can see the objects of my desire,  that eu de carbohydrate envelopes me. I immediately hulk out. That sweet perfume is my siren’s call, and some knucklehead forgot to tie me to the ship.

A heavenly hint becomes an olfactory assault. I should mention I work in downtown NY. The bagels here are no joke.

I should have delayed my coffee. I should have held my breath. Maybe I should have skipped work today.

But I had to have one. Or maybe…half! 

The great thing about bagels is this: when it comes to having half a bagel, you have two options.

  1. Cut along the bagel’s horizontal axis, like so:
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conveniently, many free bagels are pre-cut

2. Cut vertically, as follows: 

 

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an alternative option to fit your alternative lifestyle

Half a bagel = half the shmear.
…Or double the shmear, since you’re saving all of those calories.

And in case you’re wondering, the answer is yes. I DID forget all about the coffee.

Whoops! ..Guess I’ll just have to make another run 😉

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Tiny Shorts

As I mentioned in my post Willpower and Motivation, a tiny dress can be a great motivator in a world full of donuts and pizza pies.

Today, I’d like to adapt that idea for Summer: Tiny. Fucking. Shorts. 

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OK, maybe not this tiny.

I’ve been given a very cute pair of hand-me-downs from my roommate:
a size 6 khaki short from American Eagle.

While they do “fit” me now, they are inappropriately tight. No one wants to see ANY SHORTS (let alone khakis) residing that far up the fathomless cavern that I call my ass.

Tiny. Fucking. Shorts. Here we come 🙂

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Thank You for 100 Followers

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It’s been nearly a month since we started Fat Girls Fitness!!

We are SO excited about all of the wonderful feedback on our blog, and we are so happy to have hit our first milestone of 100 followers.

We are finding the wordpress community to be AWESOME and we’re so pleased to meet so many likeminded people.

If you love our blog please follow us on Facebook here 🙂
Or sign up to our email list here.

If you’d like to get in touch, you can email us at theFGFblog@gmail.com

Who we are

We are three childhood friends who each went from FAT to FIT over the past couple of years. We each take slightly different approaches to fitness, and we talk so much about fitness that we decided to start a blog.

Rachel works in the housing industry. unspecified-8She grew up in New Jersey, and currently lives in PA with her husband, two adopted cats Chip and Nita, and dawg Marty. Rachel takes a low carb approach to nutrition, and is our expert on all things cooking. She is also interested in fitness fashion. Rachel has lost over 100 pounds!

Dori is an attorney based in New York and New Jersey, where she works witunspecified-7h small businesses, and also practices criminal defense. She lives on the Hudson with co-contributor Valerie and her cute adorable puppy face Herman Canine.

Dori also blogs about libertarian politics. She recently finished editing a documentary called “Hitchhiking w/ a .357 Magnum” and is now working on a documentary about Civil Asset Forfeiture. Dori has lost over 60 pounds in the past two years, and takes a whole foods plant based approach to nutrition.

Valerie is a staffing profesional in NYC, and is also the reluctant roommate of Dori and unnamedHerman Cainine. Valerie takes an active approach to fitness, and has become quite the Yoga Kickboxer. In the warmer months, Valerie can be found hiking a mountain. Of all three contributors, we consider Valerie most likely to trip over her own legs and fall down the stairs.

Thanks again for the love 😀
Here’s to the next 100!

-Fat Girls Fitness ❤

 

To Lose 30 Pounds, Aim for Eight.

 

Successful diet
“Yes! I ate a whole slice of pizza and only gained seven pounds”

So you want to lose 30 pounds, am I right? Or 40 or 50?

Well you can do that. And probably in time for Spring, too. Definitely in time for Summer. Wouldn’t that be the most incredible thing? Just stop for a moment and imagine how sassy you’ll feel. Just imagine how quickly you’ll abandon your loser husband and kids.

Losing enough weight to abandon your entire family is well within your reach. In fact, I wish I could just burst through this computer screen right now and squeeze your face until you feel within your soul just how possible this is for you.

All you need to do is forget your ultimate goal. Wipe it completely from your mind. Instead, just “aim for eight.”

It’s not magic, it’s logic.

Losing 30 pounds is hard. Losing 40 pounds is the absolute worst.  You just don’t need to embark on that kind of journey, because you’re probably not a murderer and therefore deserve some modicum of happiness in your life.

Losing 50 pounds is basically impossible. It’s so difficult that I’d rather get eaten by a shark. And yet I have lost 50 pounds, and more.

Great White Shark  breaching
I would rather be inside this thing

But losing 8 pounds?  That’s cake.  Most people can do it in less than a month just by making small changes.

Here is the idea.

This is important. You can’t “aim for eight” in order to lose 30. You need to forget the 30 completely. Forget it at a cellular level. It is NOT your goal. Not now, not ever. Your goal is eight.  It is always eight.

I can’t emphasize this enough. Because it’s not enough to simply forget your larger goal. You must actively banish it completely from your mind. It’s just not your goal, because your goal is to lose just eight pounds. Eight Eight Eight Eight Eight.  Lose 8 pounds and then reevaluate.  Chant it with me now “Eight Eight! Eight Eight! Eight and reevaluate!”

So – What is your sole mission on this earth?

To lose 8 pounds. And not starting tomorrow, not starting on Monday, starting right now. If you want to lose weight, then you start RIGHT NOW – the second you read this paragraph.

Your goal is now to lose 8 pounds. As quickly as you can, but in a healthy way.

What’s Next?

Once you lose eight pounds you have two rules:
1. You are PROHIBITED from losing more for a minimum of 1 or 2 weeks; and
2. You are PROHIBITED from gaining any weight back during this time. You hear me?

Not an an ounce. You are spending a minimum of one or two weeks maintaining your new sexy self.  But it’s even better if you spend more time maintaining. You can maintain your 8 pound loss for a month or more if you want.

Why? Because you reached your goal. And now you can let your body and mind rest as for as long as you need.

A Note on Natural Fluctuations During the Maintenance Period 

And now, excuse me as I contradict myself. Of course, natural fluctuations in weight happen – and for some women more than others.

And if you go from a strict eating regimen to a less strict regimen, you’ll probably gain some weight from water and glycogen.

Be reasonable, and be kind to yourself. But be mindful. You’ll know if you’re gaining ‘actual’ weight. Just try not to do it, but also not to lose. Because your body thinks it’s starving to death, and it wants a little break.

Re-evaluate 

Maintenance period over.

Congrats. You lost eight pounds, and you’ve maintained it. Or maybe you gained a pound or two back.

No big deal. It’s been one or two weeks, but maybe you want to maintain for longer.

Because what’s your new goal? You guessed it. Aim for 8. You can do it the same way you did the first 8, or maybe try something completely new. Who cares? Just do it.

Wait, hold on. I’m confused. How much weight am I trying to lose? 

Imagine a friend is curious about your diet. She asks you what your goal is. Do you say “Oh, well I just lost 8 pounds, and now I’d like to lose 20 more? ”

Hell no!

You say “Yep – I’m just trying to lose 8 pounds” And every time you lose 8, you win. Re-set. Game over.

What’s going to happen when you lose 8 pounds?

The first eight: You’re going to feel great. You’re going to feel as bright as the sun. You might go down one size. You’ll realize, “hey – it’s not so hard.” I could do this 3 more times.

The second eight: This is when you begin to feel like a new person. You’ve probably gone down one or two dress sizes.

Do this three times, and you’re down by 24 pounds. You won’t even realize how it happened so quickly.

Meanwhile, you’ll be establishing great habits. You won’t be stressing yourself. You won’t be setting insane expectations, and you won’t be simultaneously starving and working out at the gym. Instead, you’ll be giving your body what it wants and needs, because you’re only trying to lose a few pounds at most.

So aim for 8. I don’t care if you’re 20 pounds overweight, or 100 pounds overweight. Write it down today in lipstick on your bathroom mirror.

And when you reach that goal, you can re-evaluate.

Start today! Don’t wait until Monday! You can do it!!!

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