Earlier today, I posted about Amelia Earhart. But on International Women’s Day, one post is never enough.
Because in honor of this special day, I need to come clean: I am 100% convinced that Women are the superior sex.
Not equal, but better. And measurably so. Now before you call me a feminist bitch, two points:
It’s not particularly important to me to be a member of the superior sex. I have no dog in this fight. But facts are facts. We’re a little bit better, on average, than dudes. Dudes, on the other hand, are the absolute worst.
I am not a feminist. REPEAT: I am not a feminist. I just happen to think women are better than men in most ways.
Reasoning:
I hate every man on public transportation.
If you are an XY, and you’re on public transportation, then you probably fall into one of the following categories (and most likely more than one):
You smell;
You take up too much space;
you rap at me; OR
you ogle.
On the Problem of Man Spreading
What the fucking fuck? Man spreading has gotten so bad on the NY subway system, that the MTA has spent the past two years campaigning to discourage it.
Let me put it this way. MTA could be spending those funds on oh umm…..AIR CONDITIONING in those sweltering Summer months? Or how about cleaning up urine? (Which come to think of it, is also the fault of men.)
But NO. The MTA can’t waste a single penny solving actual problems. And that’s because men take up such an extraordinary amount of space with their stupid hairy legs that every last penny must be spent just trying to cope with this oddly specific problem.
I will never believe that your most treasured appendage is so overwhelmingly large that you just HAVE to take up three seats. Just close your legs, and assert your dominance elsewhere.
If I were King, all of the subway systems could afford air conditioning because man spreading would be a capital offense. Chocolate would also be free for everyone.
On rap
I thoroughly enjoy rap music. But I don’t enjoy being rapped at.
…Well actually I kind of do. But in any event, it’s impolite.
I have NEVER been rapped at by a woman. Women don’t rap AT people, they rap WITH people. Because women are not monsters. And men are the devil.
2. Women have better social intelligence.
Which isn’t hard. Because most men have a whopping zero percent.
Oprah knows.
3. Women see gray areas.
I’ve always suspected that women are better at detecting nuance than men. Men have no idea about this. Probably because they are so incredibly shitty at detecting nuance.
But I’m not the only one who feels this way. Here is a scientific source.
men understand nothing.
4. Women have all the uteri.
That’s right, fools. All of them.
We can freeze dry your sperm, but just TRY to freeze dry my uterus. It won’t work. And I will send you straight to jail if you even think about it.
5. Men Lose Weight Faster
Admittedly, this one doesn’t make women superior. I’m just including it because it makes me that fucking mad.
Like goddammit guys, the irony of this. No one even cares if you’re skinny. We mostly just care about how much money you make.
You dudes, on the other hand, care so much. In fact when it comes to attractiveness, you prioritize thinness over any other feature. And it’s not even your fault. You were just born this way. As total baby douchebags.
Zen Moments
Phew. I’m sorry boys. That little rant felt so good.
I guess International Women’s Day doesn’t require man bashing, but hey sometimes these things happen.
And I guess it’s not necessary for one sex to be superior to the other.
…But it just so happens that mine is. #girlpower
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Amelia Earhart = perhaps the most badass person who ever lived on this planet.
There is so much we can learn from her on International Women’s Day.
1. Do what can’t be done.
Everything that “can’t be done” actually can be done. It just hasn’t been done yet. So don’t strive to “be cool” ; strive to “create cool”
Being cool means being an early adopter of things that society is already opening up to.
Creating cool means doing things fearlessly.
Creating cool makes you a pioneer. It might mean doing things that your friends and family deem reckless. That’s because most people can’t FATHOM living without the fear of other people’s opinions.
2. Don’t complain about getting no respect. Demand it.
In Earhart’s day, getting married often meant the end of your identity as an individual human being. Earhart didn’t bitch and moan about this. She simply refused to let it happen to her.
When a George Putnam wanted to put a ring on it, Amelia was down.
But Amelia was no “ride or die” chick. Because even though she truly wanted to hit it, Amelia agreed only to a trial period at first.
She would agree to a marriage ONLY if he would agree to respect her separate identity. Bitch demanded respect, and so respect was given. And they lived happily together until her disappearance.
The original Nike spokesperson
3. Don’t hush yourself.
“Women, like men, should try to do the impossible. And when they fail, their failure should be a challenge to others.” – Amelia Earhart
According to this Mental Floss article, Earhart wrote for Cosmopolitan. But not about topics that most would have found acceptable back in the 1920’s.
In total, she publish 16 published articles. The titles of which include:
..Just because you are a badass pilot, doesn’t mean you can’t look great.
People fear the unpredictable. If they can’t box you in, they’ll keep trying. But don’t let them box you in. And don’t box yourself in. Opportunities are everywhere.
5. Please Yourself.
Amelia Earhart was a completely unique human being. A pilot, a pioneer, a writer, a fashion designer, a wife – she was so multi-faceted.
Amelia had a decidedly androgynous flair for the time, and yet was entirely comfortable with her womanhood and femininity.
She didn’t feel the need to please YOU, whoever you happened to be. She felt the need to please herself. And she did it because she wanted to do it.
Wishing you a happy (and empowered) International Women’s Day!
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I must be mistaken. Did I just feel the Sun through the window?
According to the actual internet, here is the 10 day forecast for the NYC area:
You probably have some questions:
Yes, this is an actual screenshot.
No, I’m not making this 10 day forecast up for attention. Not after last time…
Attention ladies! This means:
Unless you’re a feminist, it’s time to shave your January coat. If you have a January coat, then you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then god bless your hairless soul.
…Don’t forget your armpits
Ladies and Gentlemen of NYC Public Transportation:
deodorant, while not required, will be greatly appreciated beginning this week
Fat People (myself included):
The Sun has entered our fat miserable lives, and being cold and miserable is no longer a valid excuse to not exercise
A gym membership is not necessary in this weather, so your wretched state poverty is also no excuse. Less money = less food.
Now is the Perfect Time to Get into Shape!
Forget January. Now is the BEST time to get into shape.
Why:
You don’t feel cold and miserable, and can thus bear torturing yourself with diet and exercise;
Longer sunlight hours means more time for working out and more energy;
AND YET! The party season is not here yet. So you can cut out booze & snacks for a little while without undue hardship.
Eating salads is somehow much easier in warm weather;
The prospect of looking good and being less sweaty this Summer is so close you can taste it!
WALKS WALKS WALKS
I’ve lost so much of my weight just by walking. And this is perfect walking weather. It’s also perfect hiking weather 😀 😀 😀
Yesterday roomie and I went for a nice evening walk along the Hudson. So what if the walk was to PF Changs and back? Fit Girls need lo mein too.
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You want fried dessert, but you don’t want to hate yourself. This takes 4.5 seconds to make, and requires two ingredients.
All you need is:
Two bananas
2 tbsp of coconut oil
About the bananas:
Pick bananas that are not too ripe. No matter what you do, the bananas will stick to the pan a little bit. The less ripe, the less they’ll stick. Frying them in oil will bring out the natural sweetness in any event.
I get my bananas from 7/11, because I’m a scumbag. Don’t be like me. Use better bananas.
this is what a sad 7/11 banana looks like
About the oil:
I keep my coconut oil in the fridge, which means it’s hard. I let it sit out for a few minutes prior to using.
When it’s Grub Hub time, I don’t peruse. I stay in focus, eyes on the prize. Usually, it’s mediterranean food that I truly desire.
I have a favorite. Garbanzo Grill is the name, and yummy comestibles is the game. Their food = delicious, healthy, and filling. Their delivery person = less creepy than most.
Yay!
My roommate & fellow contributor Valerie normally partakes in the feast. But yesterday, Valerie wasn’t here. And just when I needed her most 😥
Because my treasured jewel was gone. Where the F was my favorite salad? The one I look forward to. The one I overpay for. The one I could NEVER live without..
To add to my horror – I cannot remember the ingredients. Panic sets in: “Goddamit, Dorit. Get it together. It MUST be somewhere on this menu.”
I text Valerie “OMFG WHERE IS MY SALAD.”
She seems confused. I don’t have time for explanations.
In an cruel twist, I suddenly can’t recall the salad’s name. But in this troubled time, adrenaline kicks in. A flash of genius!: “Look to your past orders, Dorit. It’s going to be OK.”
I tear apart the archives. Sure enough, my beauty has a name: “Shepard’s Salad” Thank God. Let me Control + F that.
Praised be the name of God! It’s still here. And still 4 dollars for a serving the size of a small grape. The psychopaths had inexplicably removed it from the “salads” section to the “appetizers.” WHY YOU BUFFOONS WHY?
A proper scare. But nothing is lost. In fact, something is gained.
I will never take my favorite salad for granted again. I will learn about you, and I will give you all of the respect. I will learn to make you from scratch, my friend, and I will share you on the internet for all to enjoy.
Here are the ingredients: Cucumbers, tomatoes, parsley, red onions, olive oil and fresh lemon juice.
Simple yet elegant
I love you my salad. I’m so sorry I forgot your name. And I’m sorry that I forgot all of your ingredients.
But I’m different now; I’m a better man.
AND I will NEVER be without you again.
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I am not much of a morning person. The way Garfield feels about Mondays is how I feel about every. single. morning.
Tragically, the hatred of the beauty of an early dewy morn means that people view you as a worthless, lazy piece of crap. In the eyes of most, I’m not much unlike the good-for-nothing teenage boy who leaves single, random used socks around the house and sleeps till noon. I would like to argue this point, however, because I do happen to hold down a stable job, I work real hard, I work out several times a week, I have an active social life and I, as far as I can tell, have (almost all of) my shit together.
When I do work out, it is always after work. Despite many pleas from my colleagues who far more enjoy the grating sound of an alarm impeding upon their wonderful dream-sesh while they lay around with no pants on in their comfortable-ass bed on a daily basis, I cannot concede to their demands to get up, go to the gym, work out, shower and THEN start my work day. Does it make you feel awesome all day to work out first thing in the morning? Sure. But sleep also makes me feel awesome.
Does this make you happier than back sweat in the morning?
If you are like me, let the haters hate cause working out post-work has it’s benefits:
You are much more likely to be able to use your own shower after you work out
If you forgot your deodorant pre-work-workout, your associates may #neverforget that you’re the stinky one
Going after work means you are less likely to just go home to sit on your ass, drink wine and watch nature documentaries on Netflix (who does that though?)
On that note, it removes idle time from your evening which is primetime for needless snacking
The likelihood of taking co-workers up on happy hour is lessened (provided you have awesome self-restraint like me)
Your muscles warm up as the day goes on, so you are actually much more flexible and less likely to hurt yourself
It’s a much more effective way to release the rage collected throughout your terribly stressful workday than committing heinous crimes such as property damage, libel or identity theft
I read something about accountability being more of a thing if you work out in the evening, as your friends are more likely to join you, pinning you down to the commitment. This is not true in my case, as I am the only scumbag of the people I know that is unwilling to accumulate sweat between my ass cheeks before I even have my morning coffee.
The sleep argument: Some say you are more likely to be something like an actual responsible adult and go to bed earlier if you know you have your work out at the (sweaty) ass-crack of dawn, however, after I work out, I am beat and just want to go home, shower and go to beddy-poo. So, I dunno about that one….
Some also argue that morning people are more consistent, but I have to disagree: when I am tired in the morning (which is usually), I am MUCH more likely to bail on a workout than I would after work when I’m already up, out and living my life.
Basically, as long as you stay committed to working out, whether you are a psycho who likes going in the morning or a normal, grounded person who likes going in the evening, you are doing awesome things!
You do you,
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“Listen up, human. We’re trying to tell you something.”
Your Produce is Alive!!!
It lives. It breathes. When you close the refrigerator door, the citizens of your fridge even communicate amongst one another through chemical signals.
So how you store and prepare your veggies affects them. And who you store them with affects them as well.
Examples
1. Ripen your avocado. Want to ripen your avocado faster? Store it in a brown paper bag with a couple of bananas. The bananas emit ethylene gas, which speeds the ripening process.
2. Save your avocado with onion. Chop up some onion. Place it in an airtight container with your avocado or guac. If possible, keep the pit. The gasses from the onion will slow browning.
3. Torture your lettuce. This is kind of disturbing. Your lettuce is still living. If you tear it up, it begins to produce higher amounts of anti-oxidants to protect itself from the horrors of your inhumanity.
On the downside, the torture makes it respire faster. I mean – wouldn’t you respire faster if someone was tearing you apart? So once torn, it won’t last as long. (Neither would you!). But if you plan to eat it in the next day or so, tear that ish up and watch the anti-oxidant levels rise.
Preparing Your Veggies
How you prepare your veggies has an enormous impact on their nutritional value. Some nutrients are destroyed by heat. Some are enhanced by it.
Some fruits and veggies are made less nutritious through the process of freezing/thawing. Others (quick respirators) lose nutritional value so quickly that you are better off freezing them than not!
There is no universal best way to prepare your fruits and veggies. It all depends on the item in question, and perhaps on what your goals are.
BUT there is a nearlyuniversal bad way to do it: Boiling!
Forget about the problem of heat. For most plants, boiling will leach water soluble nutrients into the boiling water. Unless you’re using that water in a soup, stew or broth, you’re basically losing those vitamins.
All of these tips come from one of my favorite books, Eating on the Wild Side by Jo Robinson. You should check it out. It’s a wonderful read.
I didn’t have much time to prep food for the week because we came home super late on Sunday from our weekend getaway. We are meeting with our trainer tomorrow night and after a training sesh, we are both exhausted and HUNGRY and need food right away!
The food God’s have graced me with their presence and have provided me with all ingredients to make the perfect Firecracker Salmon.
This is good for 2 Salmon Filet:
2 Salmon filet- fresh or frozen (I have frozen. I will defrost and marinade them)
2 cloves of minced garlic
1 tbls brown sugar
I don’t even have a measurement of scallions for you. We love scallions so we chop a crazy amount into our dishes. So the amount of scallions are up to you!
4 tbls Soy Sauce we use the lower sodium kind
1 tbls red pepper flakes (less if you aren’t into too much heat)
1/2 cup evoo
4 tbls balsamic vinegar
1-2 teaspoons of ground/minced ginger… My husband likes the ginger slices they give with the sushi so we always have that on hand. I just drop slices of that into the dish
Fresh ground pepper and a pinch of salt (seriously, just a pinch… you’re getting enough salt from the soy sauce)
There is enough of this marinade to throw in veggies too… Like, mushrooms, broccoli, peppers, onions.. mm mm mm!!!
Directions:
Mix all ingredients together and let fish marinade for min 2hr-24hrs (longer the better)
Oil the griddle pan. Place on high heat.
When the pan is hot enough, turn the heat down to medium-high and place filet on the griddle.
We cooked the filet about 5-6 min each side.
**We used a griddle pan for this. I am sure you can bake it or pan fry it but I have not tried it like that yet.**
Disclaimer:
This recipe is approved by my Husband. I have yet to join the fish lovers world.
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It’s primary season here in the USA. And apparently, every last one of us has lost our goddam minds.
But that’s OK, America! There are still three things we can ALL agree on:
Jeb Bush is irrelevant
Ice cream is amazing
Froyo will never be ice cream
I feel legitimately sorry for Jeb Bush. But since we’ve rendered him irrelevant together as one People, let’s move on to Indisputable Facts numbers 2 and 3.
Ice Cream is Amazing
America knows this: ice cream is really very good. As a child, you love ice cream. As an adult, your love only grows.
Even though ice cream gives you diarrhea, you’ll never stop eating it. It tastes too much like actual victory. A taste Jeb Bush will never understand.
adding berries to ice cream removes the calories
Froyo Will Never Be Ice Cream
Just as Jeb Bush will never be president, frozen yogurt will never be ice cream. But unlike the 43rd governor of Florida, our tasty underdog has a hidden versatility we should not hastily ignore.
Unlike ice cream, Froyo can be a decent breakfast choice. In support of this notion, I will now present a series of exhibits.
The People’s Case
Ladies and gentleman of the internet jury, let’s begin with Exhibit A. Here we have a true and accurate photo of the author eating frozen yogurt just hours ago.
Exhibit A. I personally ate frozen yogurt for breakfast this morning
I know what you’re thinking: “Wow! This girl is amazing.”
But even so, you’re a feisty jury. I’ll need more than an amazing photo of a beautiful human eating dessert to satisfy your impossible standards.
Which is why I now submit Exhibit B, a true and accurate photo of the nutrition label pertaining to the yogurt in question.
Exhibit B. This shit is good for you
Look with your eyes please, upon the above Exhibit B. Even a most cursory glance will reveal that this particular treat contains:
only 80 calories;
a perfect amount of carbohydrates; and
an impressive amount of protein! 6 (SIX) grams
I know what you’re thinking now.
“How? What? Why?”
Contain yourselves, ladies and gentleman! Just try to relax.
All will be revealed by way of Exhibit C, “The Great Reveal.”
Exhibit C. It’s made from GREEK Yogurt!
In Sum
tastes decent & is decent for you
low calories, high satiety factor.
live cultures, which I suppose is better than dead cultures or no cultures at all
not insanely processed
ATTN: Gluten Hawks – it’s gluten free.
I’ve tried other brands of Greek Frozen Yogurt, but they taste a bit off. Yasso Chocolate Fudge is the brand and flavor I like most.
That said, this is neither Ben nor Jerry. So don’t expect miracles here. The consistency is um… different. I still like it for breakfast 🙂
I rest my case.
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